Friday, July 20, 2007


Take a look at this pic:

The guy on the right is the Cerne Abbas Giant. The giant is a figure carved into a hillside in Dorset, England. It’s believed to have been carved sometime around the 17th century.

The figure on the left, of course, is Homer J. Simpson…painted in biodegradable water-based paint, in order to promote the new Simpson’s movie.

Ok, first point to make is that this carving can’t be traced further back that the 17th century. In fact, there’s been speculation that the carving was made during the English Civil War as a stab at Oliver Cromwell who was mockingly referred to as “England’s Hercules” by his enemies.

Of course, evidence never stops the weirdos from crawling out of the woodwork.

The local ‘pagans’ believe (against all evidence, of course), that the Cerne Abbas Giant is an ancient carving and a fertility symbol…and they’re plenty pissed off that there’s a picture of Homer J. next to it. This is despite the fact that Homer will get washed away the next time it rains (and in England, that means that the Homer painting has a life expectancy of about 15 minutes).

What really got me though, and the reason I’m posting about this today, was the Pagan’s response. It’s so patently absurd and self contradictory, it made me laugh out loud:

The first part seems part-way reasonable.

Ann Bryn-Evans, joint Wessex district manager for The Pagan Federation, said:

“I can’t believe they got permission to do something so ridiculous, it’s an area of scientific interest.”

Ok, fair enough…but the fact it’ll be gone when it rains kinda makes any objection kinda pointless, doesn’t it?

The big thing to note here is that she calls the place an ‘area of scientific interest’, because what she says next blows any credibility she has right out of the water:

"We were hoping for some dry weather but I think I have changed my mind. We'll be doing some rain magic to bring the rain and wash it away."

Rain magic? Rain magic??? What exactly are you on Ms. Bryn-Evans? How do you get to adulthood and still believe in magic? I hate to tell you this, but in England, rain magic or not, it rains pretty much every day anyway! If you want to impress me, or make me believe in magic, why not do some sun magic, or ‘Rain Raspberry Jam’ magic?

Here’s the deal. There’s no such thing as magic and I can prove it right here and right now.

If it was possible to do magic, there’s be bunches of people traveling the world to drought-ridden countries charging an arm and a leg to make it rain there. Farmers in the USA would have wizards on retainer.

Look, just because you really want to believe you have magical powers doesn’t mean you actually do.

So, what she’s basically complaining about is the movie industry desecrating their ancient fertility symbol…despite the fact they’re not desecrating a thing, and it’s not a fertility symbol and it’s not ancient…and their response is to threaten ‘rain magic’.

The funniest thing about this is that this woman and her fellow retards will jump up and down, throw pineapples at each other (or whatever the hell it is they do), and when it starts to rain (which there’s about a 70% chance of happening daily anyway), they’ll feel all smug and congratulate each other on teaching those Simpsons guys a lesson.

For an encore, they’ll probably do ‘Snow Magic’ in the North Pole followed by ‘Warmth Magic’ in the Bahamas


OzzyC said...

... or Christian Fundamentalist magic in Kansas, or Islamic Extremist magic in Iraq, or crooked politician magic in Washington D.C., or crappy old-person driving magic in Florida, or sarcastic blogger magic on either of our blog sites.

Anonymous said...

Southern Rain Majik.....
throw a dead black-snake over a tree'll get a thunderstorm like you never saw before.

Laugh if you want- but it's been done...a LOT....Take it from a mountain witch.