Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Cyberbullying/sexting in perspective

Parents groups have expressed their concern today over the latest craze gripping teenagers.

The new craze, called 'writing', allows these terrible teens to share messages with each other without having to be face to face. In fact, just a few minutes with a 'pencil' and 'paper' and these angry adolescents can create messages that can be sent anywhere in the world.

Mr Dickcheese, father of four, expressed his anger and fear over this new technology:

"It's terrible. This 'paper' stuff can be bought, with no age controls, at almost any store . Then these kids make these weird shapes by making marks with this weird long, thin plastic thing and the next thing I know, my daughter's giggling away over something she's 'read'. How do I know what those markings mean? It could be anything! She says it's a joke frokm her sister, but it could just as easily be a pedophile trying to groom her!"

However, 'writing' has an even darker side. Earlier this week, a teen from Alabama was killed when a 'writing argument' spilled over into real life. The teens had been swapping mini-messages (or 'notes' as they're known in secret teenage slang), when one teen punched the other in the face over the content of the message.

'Paper bullying' as it's come to be known, is something that responsible parents should be shitting themselves over (and if you're not, you're a terrible parent). One child was sent over forty of these 'notes' in a single say, containing messages such as 'You're a sloppy vagina' and 'Your taste in music is inferior'. As everyone knows, bullying was invented in 2010, because, before the advent of writing technology, it was impossible to bully anyone, ever as children don't have the ability to just say these things

"It's disgusting," said Miriam McArseface, president of Parents Against Scary Things That Are Scary Because We Don't Understand Them So Better to React Than Have A Single Rational Thought Or Research These Things In Any Way Shape or Form. "Children as young as 14 are using these materials to send inappropriate messages to each other. It's time paper manufacturers were held responsible for the things their products are used for. If my kid buys some paper, and uses it to call a neighbor kid a cunt, it's obviously the paper manufacturer's fault. You can't expect the average busy parent to actually learn to read!  If I spend my time actually parenting, I won't have nearly enough time to get angry at people for not sanitizing the world for my child!"

In other news, Steve McInnovator is being taken to court after releasing information on how to create pictures using pen and paper. Initially hailed as an amazing way for the world to share even more detailed information, Steve is not facing a four year jail term after a twelve year old used his freely available technology do draw a big fat cock and balls which he then showed to his teacher.