I’m Almost Beginning to Enjoy This

So, after fixing the roof, a couple of nights ago we had some major rainfall…and by 'major rainfall' I mean 'It pissed down all night long and well into the morning'.

This, of course, led to a completely sleepless night for me because every drip, every sound I heard, made me jolt awake:

DRIP…Was that the sound of a raindrop falling from the tree and hitting the deck outside? Or was it the sound of water dripping onto the hallway carpet?...DRIP… Is the patch of water damage on the ceiling getting bigger, or is it just my imagination?...DRIP…Was that an outside, leafy-sounding drip or more of and inside, carpet-sounding drip?

When I finally got out of bed the next day I was ecstatic to see the main leak in the hallway was still absolutely bone dry, and the second, smaller leak above the bed hadn't got any bigger and was still drying out. (I dried the main leak by pointing a fan heater at it…to do the same in the bedroom would mean balancing a heater on the bed…which would probably set it on fire…so I decided to let that leak dry naturally)

Fixed!

I relaxed properly for the first time in weeks. Again, a minor roof leak isn't normally something that makes me panic, but here's how my thought process usually goes:

What if it can't be fixed and the whole roof needs replacing? We can't afford that! I really need a job. Crap, I've been out of work for over four years now! Who's gonna hire me when they see I haven't held a job since 2004? If I can't get a job and pay that fucking medical bill soon, that'll go on my credit and my chances of ever getting a decent house are fucked. That reminds me, I need to finally get my drivers license sorted out…but what's the point if we can't afford another car? It's Christmas day when?

Etcetera, etcetera.

Well, two days passed and the leaks didn't reappear and I was actually starting to feel good again. After all, 2009 was a whole new year. The economy can only get better and I'll find a job somehow…and if someone as useless as me can fix a roof leak, even if 99.999% of the actual work was done by my stepson…I can do anything!

Then, last night I went to get into bed…and I noticed an odd shadow on the ceiling near the foot of the bed. Gingerly, I reached out and touched it…it was damp.

It was a…new…fucking…leak.

Apparently, as I clambered around on the roof fixing the last two leaks, my fat ass obviously damaged a seam in the aluminum which was letting water in again. Considering it took two days after the rainfall to show up, it's obviously a tiny, slow leak…but it still needed fixing.

So today I got to climb onto my roof again and go over every seam on one side of the roof with 'Leak Stopper'…the stuff that gets everywhere, glues your hand to the trowel and means a few hours in the shower with soap and WD-40 to get the stuff off your hands. I believe it's made of asphalt, liquid rubber, gasoline, minced devil assholes, napalm, superglue and freshly-burnt ass-hair.

Luckily the sun was out today and the temperature was in the mid 60's, meaning it was actually quite comfortable up on the roof as I spent an hour with an old towel, dropping it in the areas the water had ponded before wringing it out over the edge of the roof over and over again. Also lucky is that leak-stopper is usable all year round and can be used when the roof is still wet.

Anyway, I soaked up the water on one side of the roof (the side where the leak was), let it dry in the sun for an hour, then slathered leak-stopper along the seams of the roof.

Now, the thing is, I only went over the seams on the half of the roof above the leak as the other side was still so wet that it would have taken hours to dry it off…and I didn't really see the point of spending another two or three hours drying out the roof, possibly doing damage to the already waterproof seams in the process… to cover a seam I was 99.9999% sure was already waterproof.

It was only after getting back inside and spending an hour cleaning the goop off my hands that something hit me:

Sure, the water was ponded more or less directly above the leak. Sure I dried up that water and covered the seams in that same spot…but that doesn't mean the water wasn't getting in at another spot and then running along a beam or something before getting into the house in an area not directly below where the actual leak is.

Well, the simple truth is after a couple hours on the roof I'm not getting back up there to fix a leak that may or may not exist. I still have a fresh, unopened bucket of Leak Stopper, which means I'll be back on the roof if the leak's still there the next time it rains.

But please, everyone cross your fingers that I won't need to.