Life's Little Mysteries

Why is it that:

1) The only time you discover that you’re completely out of toilet paper is when you’re sitting on the toilet.

2) You only ever discover that you’re missing one small but crucial ingredient when you’re half way through cooking.

3) You always know exactly where an object is, right up until the second you need it.

4) You can keep something for years and years and never use it. You will, however, need it within a week of throwing it out.

5) The VCR timer will never, under any circumstances, work.

6) Cheap, 5 minute home repairs always turn into expensive nightmares that take all weekend to finish (or maybe that’s just me.)

7) Anything you make or build successfully will fail the first time you try to show it off.

8) Teachers, regardless of their intelligence, can never, ever work the school VCR or TV.

9) In every city center, at any time of day, there are always old people sitting on the benches.

10) Every time you buy the latest and greatest thing, something newer comes out, and the price of what you just bought drops by half.

11) Every family has an ‘Uncle Dickhead’.

12) There is always an argument at every major family get-together…usually about what “their Steve said about our Maureen at Jeff’s wedding”… 12 years ago.

13) Reading while drunk is always a horrible experience.

14) Men who refuse to cook anything in a kitchen will jump at the chance to cook over an open fire.

15) Disposable pens and lighters appear in your home, even if you’ve never bought any in your life.

16) If you’re on the phone with a stranger, and desperately need a pen to take down some information, you can never find one.

17) If you do find a pen, the pen will refuse to work… meaning you have to carve the information into the pad with the empty pen.

18) Every dad in the world throws a fit if you leave the lights on in a room you’re not currently in.

19) No matter what the daylight contents of a fridge, when raided in the middle of the night for a snack, it will only contain half a tomato, some suspect milk and a piece of dried up cheese.

20) Even if the phone has not rung in weeks, it will automatically ring the second you try to take a nap, or sit down to watch a movie.

21) Telemarketers only call when you’re sitting down to dinner.

22) When posing for a photo, it always takes a minute for the photographer to work out how to use his camera…then you have to wait for the flash to charge.

23) Mums, not matter what their intelligence level, never know how to use a TV remote.

24) Everyone considers themselves an above average driver.

25) No one has ever dared to make a cup-a-soup in a bowl.

26) Teachers will always be off sick on the day after you stayed up all night to finish an assignment.

27) Teachers will never be off sick the day after you forgot to complete an assignment.

28) Compulsory overtime when you want a day off, no overtime when you need the extra money.

29) Washing machines eat socks…I’m convinced of it.

30) Every kitchen draw contains at least one utensil that no one can figure out what it is, what it does, and no one will admit to buying it.