Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Today's Blog Contains Monosodium Glutamate

A short while ago, Sunny asked me if I liked ‘Potted Meat’.

My first answer was, of course, ‘What in the blue hell is ‘potted meat’?

She explained.

“It’s like these tiny little cans with meat in it, that you spread on sandwiches.”

The penny dropped. You see, I thought when she said ‘potted meat’ she was describing a line of products. In England you can get ‘potted meat’ spread that comes in tiny little jars. You can get beef spread, chicken spread…all kinds of yummy spread.

So I answered in the positive. That is to say, I said ‘Yes, I like potted meat.’

However, American potted meat is not what I thought it was. Rummaging in the cupboards this week, I found a little tin, on the side of which was written ‘Potted Meat’.

This rang alarm bells right away. I know it’s ‘meat’, but why did they not specify what type of meat it is? If you can’t name it, you’ve got something to hide.

You see, I have a rule. If you can’t name it, I’m not eating it… I eat purely named meat, and by ‘named meat’ I don’t mean ‘Spot’, ’Tiddles’ or ‘Rover’.

However, it was served for a snack this week. I ate a sandwich, not knowing what was on it. I’m ashamed to say it tasted good.

Unfortunately, I’m a curious type of soul, and I made the mistake of reading the ingredients on the can.

“Mechanically separated chicken, beef and pork parts.”

Let’s stop right there. ‘Mechanically Seperated’. What in the blue fuck does that mean?

‘Mechanically Separated’…isn’t that road kill? Does ‘mechanically separated’ mean the abbatoir worker ran it down with his truck on the way to work?

Also, what ‘parts’ were mechanically separated? Eew, I don’t even want to speculate on that one.

If that didn’t make me sick enough, what came next made me turn green:

“Partially de-fatted fatty tissues.”


What part of the animal is fatty, and why was it partially de-fatted?

So, basically, once everything edible has gone from the animal, they ‘mechanically separate’ what was left, partially de-fat the fatty tissues, mince it up, put it in a can…and I ate it.

I’m going to sue.


MC Etcher said...

So... How do you feel about Spam then?

I know it's not good for me, but once a year I must have some.

Kato said...

Was it potteded meatnormous?

OzzyC said...

sounds like you should top it with drippings.

Paulius said...

Etcher : I actually like Spam, its deliciousness far outweighs what's actually in it. I've never read the ingredients, and never will...and will personally kill anyone who tells me.

Kato : Nope, too small. Although I do have a cheesenormous in the fridge.

OzzyC : I see your drippings, and raise you with headcheese...that's when you boil a pigs head, wait for the stuff that floats to the top to harden, and spread it on bread.

OzzyC said...

Head cheese is nothing compared to fromanda cheese.