Monday, October 17, 2005


Halloween is almost here again.

I’ve got to say that American Halloween is absolutely great from the Brit perspective.

You see, back in England, Halloween is definitely a ‘Kids Holiday’. The only people who really oserve Halloween in England are people with young children. You’re usually hard pushed to spot a jack-o-lantern on most streets.

Basically, other than the obligatory re-runs of ’Nightmare on Elm Street’ and the ’Halloween’ series on the TV, it pretty much goes past unmarked.

Plus, you learn to hate Halloween in England (or at least where I used to live), because of the 16 and 17 year old scumbags who would come to your door ’trick or treating’ from October the 1st. There’s nothing more annoying when you’re sitting down to dinner and getting disturbed by a knock on the door, and you open it to find a 17 year old, wearing a tracksuit and baseball cap standing on your doorstep saying “Trick or Treat”, while holding out an expectant hand.

They don’t even want candy, they want cold, hard cash.

Basically, Halloween in England is primarily used for dickheads, who are old enough to have jobs, to beg money off you. Money so they can run to the liquor store. Kinda spoils it for the actual kids who take the time to get dressed up, and are actually doing it for fun….instead of booze and cigarette money.

Usually, by the time the ‘real’trick or treaters make an appearance (On Halloween), you’re so pissed off at the money-begging dickheads, you rarely open the door. After all, the scumbag population see Halloween as a source of free money, so they see no reason to confine it to only one night.

However, Halloween in the USA is great. EVERYONE gets into it…and trick or treaters don’t give you a look like you’ve come into their house on Christmas morning and pissed on their kids, if you hand them actual candy instead of cash.

For the kids, it means free candy. For the adults, it’s an excuse to get together and have a party.

However, I have a theory about Halloween.

I posted a while back about hardcore geeks being the most well-adjusted people in the world. They do what they enjoy, and don’t give a damn about what people think about them. Only someone who is supremely secure in themselves can dress in chain mail armour and tights, and go to the woods for some live-action role playing.

Now, the next time you’re at a costume party, look around. If you take away the booze, and what does it remind you of?

A sci-fi convention, that’s what.

Halloween is the only time of the year when a closet nerd can make themselves a JedI Robe, go buy a light saber, get all Obi-Wan’d up, and no-one can say a God Damn thing about it.

In fact, Halloween is the ONLY time of year when not getting costumed up, either as a JedI, a Pirate or your favourite Superhero, is almost socially unacceptable.

Think about it. If you go to a costume party, who’s the one who gets made fun of and talked about? Not the fat guy dressed as a Klingon, not the housewife dressed as Wonder Woman, not the Teenager in the Spider-man outfit…nope, it’s the dick who turned up in his jeans and T-Shirt. The one who’s not joining in, or getting into the ‘spirit of the thing’.

However, people don’t like being talked about, so the really insecure ones are the ones wearing a T-shirt that says “This is my costume”.

This is the bizaro world equivalent of the hardcore geek trying to fit in. It’s like a hardcore comic-book nerd wearing an Armani shirt, Dolce and Gabana jeans…but has forgotten to take out their pocket protector, and is still wearing their digital watch with the calculator on it.

Pure Geek, like ‘Pure Cool’, cannot be faked.

Basically, Halloween is that one magical night where ‘normal’ people are given a licence to be geeks, with no strings attatched. In fact, the geekier your costume, the more people like it. The guy in the Navy Uniform gets a nod, but the guy in the movie-perfect Darth Vader costume is the life of the party.

So here’s what I’m basically trying to say:

Halloween is like a trip into The Bizaro World. Halloween is a taster of what life would be like if the social order was reversed, and geeks were the dominant life-form on this planet.

That’s right. If the geeks were in charge, it would be like Halloween every single day. (Oh, and internet service would be free).

Think of how great this would be. Imagine three complete hotties walking into a bar dressed as Cat Woman, Jean Grey and Seven of Nine. Star Wars would be on the big screen instead of sports. The guy in the Basketball jersey would be ignored and given a wide berth, and they’d make a bee-line for the guy at the back, dressed as Legolas, sitting with Gimli and Aragorn, and the hotties would sit down, and start talking about their level 42 Dungeons and Dragons character.

This will never happen.

However, in order to honour this one glorious night, when the Geek is king, I’m starting a campaign.

A campaign to rename Halloween to ’Geekmas’.

Anyone with me?


Miz S said...



I think NOT!!!!!!!!

Sweetie, dont take this the wrong way but-





I refuse to acknowledge them.

Silver Creek Mom said...

Sorry I have to agree with your WIFE...NO geekdowm rules...I'm married to one.

I would get rid of Hallowe'en (spelled right) if I could. I would call it festivals of Cavaities!

Kato said...

I will join your Geek Army, Paulius. Me and my +4 Bag of Candy Holding.

Posers beware: the geeks come out at night!

Kato said...

Apropos to nothing, other than your origins, I would like to thank you (as a representative of your countrymen) for exporting your fine television programs across the Pond. I spent the better part of yesterday watching a Little Britain marathon on BBC America.


Also, save me a seat in that hand-basket.

MC Etcher said...

I've always thought there should be more holidays during the year when dressing up in costume was expected.

It would be cool to go as the little prince from Katamari, but building the huge ball of stuff might be a problem.

Paulius said...

Sunny : Spoken like a true half-geek

Silver creek Mom : Would you cancel christmas as well?

Kato : Welcome aboard the geek army. I personally have a +3 Roll of TP coverage. Also, try and see series 1.

Etcher : Or you could go as a katamari ball (just glue random stuff to yourself), and pay a small child dressed as the prince to follow you around.

Kato said...

I would be willing to follow Etcher around singing the them... do do do do do do do do Katamari Damacy!!

Paulius said...

Now there's a mental image for you:

Etcher wandering around with random crap superglued to his body. A small bewildered child, walking behind him, as confused as a child can get.

And Kato, a few steps behind, singing "do do do do do dooo do do do do Katamari Damacy"

I can see the headlines:

Escaped Mental Patient Traps Small Child With Second, Singing, Escaped Mental Patient