Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I hate people.

Last night I was bored to tears so I downloaded a free Texas Hold 'em game for my iPod Touch.

At first I was impressed. It looked slick and played well…but then I came to the fly in the ointment: the people you play against.

Yup, this game is multiplayer, and I'm finding that it's almost impossible to overestimate people's ability and desire to ruin cool things.

You see, people are idiots. They have no idea how to play Texas Hold 'em, and because no-one's playing with real money they ruin the game pretty quick.

I played about five different games on five different 'tables' and the set up was the same on each. Six or so players who have some idea how to play, and at least two idiots who think that watching 'Casino Royale' made them experts and seem to be playing purely to ruin everyone else's fun.

Basically, here's how it would play out:

Everyone would be dealt the first two cards, and then, on every damn hand, one of the ass-hats would go all in…either because they got one high card, or because they thought they were being cool and 'bluffing'. (Note: It isn't a bluff when it's obvious to everyone that you're lying)

Now in five card stud, these players go out pretty quick because it's pretty obvious that they don't have anything in their hand. However, in hold 'em before the flop (before the first three 'community cards' are dealt), everyone only has two cards and no idea what the next five are going to be…so at that point, unless you've been dealt a high pair, you've no real idea whether you're going to have a decent hand or not…and no player with half a brain wants to risk the vast majority of their chips on the first hand when they're not holding anything…so they fold.

Now, this wouldn't be much of a problem in the real world because this type of player would keep going all in, winning nothing but the blinds…right up to the point where one of the other players would get something, relieve the idiot of all his chips on a single hand, and then the idiot would be busted out and would have learned a lesson.

Unfortunately, in the game where the money isn't real, where you're not really losing anything, they don't learn their lesson, and when they get busted out, they just buy straight back in.

The most annoying thing is this is just a really stupid way to play poker anyway. Bluffing isn't just about making everyone think you've got an awesome hand when you haven't so they'll fold. Bluffing is mostly about convincing people you have a weak or so-so hand when your hand is strong. The point is to make them think their hand is better than yours so they'll bet heavily.

Basically, it doesn't matter if you have a Royal Flush if you bet so heavily that everyone folds before filling the pot. The point is to have a royal flush, but make everyone else think you have maybe a decent pair so they'll bet heavily on their three of a kind.

I'm going back to my single player game on the PC.

2 comments: said...

Oh good lord I can't agree with you more. It's like people that cheat in counterstrike they just do it cause they have nothing else better to do. We should make them all perform community service at retirement homes as their punishment for being enormous douche bags.

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