Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Ninja Gaiden 2 is a fucking JOKE

Ok, so one of the things we did today was go pick up a pre-owned game at gamestop. My stepson is staying with us for a while, so he came into the store to help me pick something out.

As I said at the time, the past few times I've been to Gamestop I've been standing there with cash in hand, with nothing I really wanted in my price range. Today there were a few. 'Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood', 'Pure' and 'Prince of Persia' to name a few. However, because my stepson said he'd played it and liked it, we ended up buying Ninja Gaiden 2.

I got home and played it for an hour.

This is not a game. This is a frustration-based endurance test for sugared up teens who are masochistic enough force themselves to play through this shit so they can have bragging rights over other sugared up teens.

Don't get me wrong, it's actually quite fun in places, but on the second level we got to a boss that was not just 'difficult', but actually felt like the game was cheating. It honestly felt like I'd personally wronged the game's creator in some way and he was getting his own back by having a boss on the second freaking level just rape me over and over at will.

I wish I was exaggerating.

Basically, this boss is capable of blocking 99% of your attacks, meaning the only way to have even a slim chance of winning is to peck away at him, taking about a hundredth of his health with one perfectly timed attack, then spend the next five minutes dodging his undodgeable attacks.

His attacks? Well, some hit you no matter what you do. You dodge, he hits you anyway. You block, his attack goes straight through like it's not even there (and it doesn't even absorb any of the damage.) Basically, to beat him you need about a hundred perfectly timed attacks. He can kill you…no exaggeration, in three attacks that you can't block or dodge.

What I want to know is what masochistic asshole considers this to be entertainment.

Sure, there's the achievement of beating the game and the bragging rights…but after spending half an hour trying to beat this boss fight, the best way I can explain it is that it's like hitting yourself in the testicles with a lump hammer twenty times, purely so you can brag about being able to take twenty hammer blows to the family jewels.

I would rather stick needles into my sack than play this game any more.

1 comment:

Evan 08 said...

THERE'S a game I won't be purchasing.

I'm liking the ODST