Tuesday, September 11, 2007


I’m a little worried right now.

You see, I’m probably one of the only bloggers in my little blogging circle who can say, with absolute certainty, that I have an FBI file. In fact, in my briefcase I have a little bit of paper that tells me that I do, indeed, have an FBI file.

I’m not saying this is a conspiracy-theory way. I have a file purely because I’m an immigrant. Everyone who comes to live in the USA gets one, complete with fingerprints, picture, address etc.

Well yesterday, I was cleaning out the bedroom and realized that my rifle was covered in about an inch-thick layer of dust, so I decided to clean it.

(Just to set everyone’s mind at rest, I didn’t accidentally shoot myself or someone else. I’m not dumb enough to attempt to clean a loaded rifle. All the ammo is under lock and key in a different room).

I have a Remington 597 .22LR. If there’s any fellow target shooting enthusiasts out there, you’ll know the 597 is a ‘controversial’ rifle. Some people say it’s an amazingly good gun, others say it’s crap. I think it’s good except for one flaw, one that’s discussed in forums internet-wide…the clip for it is absolutely terrible.

The first clip for it was plastic and was prone to splitting. The second (which I have) is metal, but has a notoriously weak spring. It’s meant to hold 10 rounds, but I only ever got it to hold 8 reliably.

Basically, my clip had deteriorated to the point of becoming dangerous. The spring isn’t strong enough to push the last round into position. Sometimes it would fire the last round, sometimes it wouldn’t, sometimes it would jam…and instead of holding the bolt open when it was empty…it stayed closed.

In other words, it was getting really easy to think the chamber is empty when there’s a round chambered…and if I continue using that clip, it’s basically a matter of time before I get a round going off prematurely, which is not a good thing.

Long story short, I decided to hop on the interweb and see about buying a new one.

I realized I had two options. I could purchase the same clip I already own (and probably end up with the same problems), or buy a 30 round clip from Eagle Firearms. I found the 30 round clip for the same price as the 10 round, and the reviews for it were glowing. No jamming, tested at the factory to still work after 30,000 rounds.

So, I decided to save myself trouble in the future and buy the 30 round clip.

It was as soon as I placed the order that I started to get worried.

You see, until last year, magazines that hold more than 10 rounds were illegal. For some reason, they decided that a weapon with more than a 10 round capacity constituted an ‘Assault Weapon’. (I find no merit in this idea. If you’re going to commit a crime, you’re not going to use a .22 rifle anyway).

Now, I’ve not done anything illegal. As a permanent resident, I’m legally able to own a firearm (and the rifle is in Sunny’s name anyway, who’s SLED certified). The ‘Assault Weapon Ban’ ended over a year ago, and I checked that I could legally purchase this mag in SC.

However, I’ve noticed people saying I seem ‘angry’ lately. To be honest, yes I am, and I can tell you it’s that I’m just stressed out.

However, now I have visions of the FBI checking my blog, reading all these angry posts…and then seeing I ordered a 30 round clip on the same day.

Well, just to set things straight, Mr. Government Guy, I’ve only ever shot paper and the odd groundhog. That’s all I intend to shoot. God bless America, and I’m not getting set to go on a rampage.


manda said...

hahahaha,... btw: as a side comment,.. my new roommate seems to be the "taker". This isn't necessarily a taker situation, but she used my other roommate's teapot (which is perfectly fine), and it broke... and the tea spilled and all this shit. and she barely cleaned it all up,.. and apparently didn't even say sorry for breaking it!!! AHHH

get happy soon..

Sunny said...

Yeah- well add to that the fact that you bought it on 9/11 and you get pretty interesting to them all the sudden.

Also- you are not the only one in your little blog circle who has an FBI file....Yours truly has one and has had since 1983. I would tell you why- but then I'd have to kill you.

Sunny said...

No- wait...that's what I'm supposed to say for my CIA file.......never mind.

OzzyC said...

Per the agreement which may or may not exist between the government and the party of the first part, I am not allowed to discuss any alleged file which may or may not exist. Discussing such a file could theoretically jeopardize something which I am not at liberty to divulge.

Sunny said...

Yeah- that's it!! What Ozzy said!!

I never could get whether it was "Halt! Halt! Bang-bang"
"Bang-Bang... Halt! Halt!"

*walks away muttering to herself and shaking her head...........

MC Etcher said...

PAPER?!! The Constitution is made of paper!!!

The Girl said...

So who has a file on me now that I'm in the UK?

I had to laugh thinking of you putting this 30 mag clip into a rifle and yelling at the groundhogs "Dig underground you bloody piece of crap!"


Paulius said...

Manda - People are assholes, what more can you say?

Sunny - Eeep! I forgot I bought it on 9/11. Hopefully they might get the idea I bought it to protect myself from the terrorists. And I know why you have an FBI file, I'm spying on you for them.

Ozzy - Sez you!

Etcher - Actually, the constitution is on parchment made from sheepskin, and not paper at all. Me knowing this means I'm more patriotic than you, and that I saw a discovery special.

TG - That would be MI5 or MI6 who has the file on you. Oh, and when I'm hunting groundhogs I tend to quote more old war movies than just swear at them

Marie said...

Please dont tell frank you have ammo. He's had it in for the poor groundhogs for months now. He thinks they're evil. All those tunnels under our cities...

MC Etcher said...

I knew that. I was portraying the ignorant & alarmist element.

OzzyC said...

"...Sez you..."

No. I thought I specifically didn't say anything.

Paulius said...

Sez you

Paulius said...

Sez you