Friday, September 14, 2007


Today’s post was inspired by OzzyC’s latest post about an Iowa man who was killed in a motorcycle accident. His fiancée and family went to court in order to be allowed to harvest the dead guy’s sperm so his fiancée could have his baby.

This precise story isn’t what I want to talk about. Today I want to talk more about privacy than anything else.

I read an article once which split people into two separate groups. This article said that people had one of two types of minds: Complex or Simplex. A complex mind sees the world in ‘shades of grey’, can see multiple viewpoints in any situation and can understand that sometimes ‘right and wrong’ can come down purely to a point of view.

A simplex mind sees the world in black and white, has a very fixed idea of right and wrong and the way people should behave.

As you can probably guess, it’s the people with the simplex minds that I have a problem with.

I think the problem we have today is we have far too much news that gets into people’s private business. Things which are absolutely no-one’s business except for the people who are involved. Then, too often, people hijack these ‘news stories’ as platforms to preach their own point of view.

For example, if the story about the Iowa man makes the national news it won’t be long before it becomes a topic of debate. One side will call it a human rights issue, arguing that because the dead man never gave his consent it’s ‘wrong’ to use his sperm to create a baby. Other’s will say that the baby would grow up in a single parent family and call it child abuse. Others will support the family and the guy’s fiancée, saying it’s up to them.

Look, the guy is dead. What happens to his remains and organs is up to the family. If his fiancée wants to have his baby in order to keep a piece of him, that’s up to her. Whether you or I disagree is immaterial.

In other words, the nation at large starts campaigning to tell other people what they can and do, when it has nothing to do with them. If you think I’m exaggerating, here’s two words: Terry Schiavo.

The point is, things like this are absolutely none of our business. It doesn’t effect us in any way, and if I agree with the guy’s family or not, who am I to proclaim what they’re doing is wrong or right?

I have the right to my opinion. I don’t have the right to tell these people what to do, or try and change the law to stop them.

If the situation doesn’t effect you, or you’re not actually involved, you’ve no right to say what’s right and wrong.

This is a bit of a hot-button issue for me, because I’ve been a victim of it. Not that it was in the press, but I certainly had people getting into my business and passing judgement about a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with them.

Anyone who reads our blogs regularly knows that Sunny and I are happily married. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say Sunny is simply the best thing that ever happened to me.

What not everyone knows is that Sunny and I have a major age difference. Sunny is 20 years older than me.

You can imagine what it was like when we got engaged. While my family eventually came around, but let’s just say they didn’t exactly start jumping up and down and celebrating. I had parades of people telling me I was making a huge mistake, that there must be something ‘wrong’ with us for wanting to marry each other…as well as more than a few snide comments about Sunny ‘robbing the cradle’ and me being unable to ‘find someone my own age’.

This was all compounded by the fact we met over the internet.

I’ve read similar stories that have made the papers about 20 year olds marrying octogenarians. The comments are always the same. That those people are sick, that there’s something wrong with them and them getting married is ‘wrong’.

My point is, if I’d listened to those people, I’d have robbed myself of the person that’s brought me more happiness than anyone else I’ve ever known. People had told me that it would never last…but like the inscription on my wedding ring says: “More than yesterday, Less than tomorrow.” Sunny and I have known each other for around 7 years, and have been married for nearly 4.

Considering I’m more in love with this woman than I ever have been, I’d say it’s ‘lasting’ wouldn’t you?

The other thing is, people assume I’m into ‘older women’. I’ll give you the same answer I give them. I’m not into older women, I’m into Sunny.

The truth is, before I met Sunny, I’d read those stories and have the same reaction as everyone else. “Why the hell is that guy marrying someone so much older than him? He’s nuts!”

It was only after I found myself actually in the situation that I understood it. The thing I say to people who as me ‘why’ now, is I ask them if their husband or wife got a disease or something that aged them by 20 years over night, would they divorce them?

The answer, of course, is always ‘No’. To which I point out that age basically comes down to looks, and when you really find the right person…looks don’t matter.

Long story short, too many people get themselves involved and give their opinions where they’re not wanted or needed. I’m not saying people shouldn’t have opinions on these kinds of situations…but it’s not a matter for the newspapers, or for people to turn these situations into a soapbox to preach their own beliefs.


Saffyre said...

I know what you mean. At the moment i'm getting everyone and their aunt telling me "Can't you find a guy closer to home" or "can't you find a guy who isn't such a workoholic"....and my personal favorite "are you such a control freak, that you have to chose a guy where it can't possibly work"

You guys give me hope that impossible can be possible - and the hell with what everyone else thinks!

The Girl said...

Another one chiming in on this subject. One of my "friends" who knew both of us said we were going to ruin each others lives. My mother said that there was no way we could really know each other living so far apart. But we did.

And it worked.

I can understand why people had doubts because moving for a job makes sense or for school makes sense. Moving for love is a foreign concept. Most people wouldn't move across town much less to another country.

It's worth it.

At the end of the day, I realize that everyone is going to think what they think but I go to bed every night with the man I love and I'm damn lucky that I didn't listen to the skeptics.

~TG.. happy to be imported...

OzzyC said...

I get your point, but don't completely agree with it.

I absolutely believe that privacy should be sacrosanct. Gays should be allowed to marry, pot should be legal and seat belt laws should be repealed. (I know the last point is touchy for you and Sunny. Sorry.) Why? Because these are all personal, essentially victimless "crimes."

At the same time though, I do believe that I have the right to lobby congress and try to get laws changed, contrary to your article.

This means that I believe people should be allowed to pass laws that infringe on my right to privacy... I guess that makes me a complex thinker.