Thursday, September 06, 2007

Fixing teh internets

I used to like playing videogames online. This was down to two reasons. The first is that this usually involved getting together with your actual friends, and the lot of you playing together. The second is that the strangers you’d play with actually had to understand a little about networking (and therefore not be dumbasses) to play with you.

If you jump online today, the vast majority of people online are the equivalent of the schoolyard bully’s friend. They’re complete and total idiots, have severe self esteem issues and feel they can do whatever they like because the bully’s got their back.

They don’t play to actually enjoy the game. They play because they’re frustrated, hyper-competitive idiots who will never gain any kind of superiority in real life. The kind of people who insist they will “Hack you” and come to your house and kill you because you beat them at a freaking game.

If you beat them, you’re a cheating hacker. If you lose, you’re a ‘noob fag’. The idea of being ‘gracious in victory and magnanimous in defeat” is totally alien to them. It’s not a victory without gloating, and not a defeat unless they question your sexuality and make inappropriate comments about your mother.

Basically, I miss the day when, after you’d pulled off a particularly spectacular shot, the guy you defeated would congratulate you or make a self-depreciating yet funny comment…and not “U fucken noob fag camper! I’ll fucken kill you n ur mom!”

My friends, I believe I have a solution:

The ‘barrier to entry’ is what made those old games enjoyable. I suggest we put it back.

Every gaming matchmaking service would have a ‘No Douchebags’ area. While the drunken frat-boys are more than welcome to play together, the No Douchebags area would be reserved for those of us who actually want to play for enjoyment and not to ‘pwn bitches’.

To get into this area, you would have to answer questions. To prevent the douchebags from simply Googling the answers, players would be required to correct sentences with improper spelling and grammar, or answer short essay questions. Just in case anyone sneaks in, douchebags can be booted by a majority vote.

Imagine the possibilities! You could play counterstrike without having to read the word ‘fag’ a few hundred times! You could defend a control point without being accused of being a ‘campr fag noob’! You’d be playing a game with people who are there to have a good time, and not to assuage their massive inferiority complexes.

It would be awesome…who’s with me?

1 comment:

OzzyC said...

Hmmm... that may explain why I haven't played any online games in over a year and a half.