Friday, July 15, 2005

Does The Bandwagon Stop Here? I Want To Jump On It

Now this is going to be a gaming related post, but if you don’t play video games, I’ll ask you to keep reading, chances are you’ll find this interesting.

Well, it turns out those evil, evil people from Rockstar Games, are yet again, destroying young children’s minds.

Let me explain.

A foreign gamer discovered hidden code in ‘Grand Theft Auto : San Andreas’, the ultra controversial ‘crime-based’ game.

This hidden code contained… now brace yourself…Sex!!!

Oh my god! Quick! Build a moat around your home, install those iron shutters and buy a shotgun. It won’t be long before we’re murdered in our beds!

Now let me be perfectly clear. This ‘sex mini-game’ doesn’t actually show anything. I mean no nudity, no hardcore action. Basically, you get treated to two, fully clothed, adult game characters ‘pretending’ to do the nasty. Honestly, I’ve seen more explicit material in exercise equipment commercials.

I must also be clear that this isn’t a ‘hidden bonus’ on the game, and was discovered completely by accident when someone started poking around in the code. For example, without specialized software (Namely the PS2 Action Replay CD for the PS2, or a downloadable patch from the internet for the PC), it’s completely impossible to get to. In other words, there’s no chance on little Timmy accidentally stumbling across it.

The current thinking is that Rockstar were going to include it as part of the game, but realized the amount of controversy that it would stir up with the majority idiots of the world, and decided not to include it. The ‘trigger’ that starts this part of the game was removed, but for whatever reason, the actual code was left in. Basically it was a way to make the content inaccessible, without having to spend expensive weeks to remove it.

Of course, this hasn’t stopped the politicians and do-gooders from jumping on the bandwagon. That’s right, the lunatics who believe that just because you play a violent video game, you’re going to instantly transform into a master criminal and start shooting up your neighborhood while raping everyone you see, are screaming for blood.

(As an aside, I see absolutely no merit in this idea. I play violent computer games, and I actually find them to be a fun and safe way of getting out any excess aggression. If someone pisses me off, I don’t start a fight or scream at them, I just come home and beat up simulated people with simulated fists. I get rid of my aggression in a healthy way, and no one (including me) gets hurt. The same way that some people will beat the crap out a punch bag or go to the gym to work out their aggression. That’s my theory, violent video games reduce actual violence, not encourage it).

Anyway, the politicians are on the warpath. You see, GTA SA is very controversial anyway, (you play as a gang member and steal cars and the like), but they all seem to be missing one minor point.

The ENTIRE GTA series are M-Rated titles. That’s right, in order to buy or play this game, you’re supposed to be 18. If a young child plays it, there’s only one person to point the finger at, and that’s the parents. Don’t blame the games company because you allowed your child to play a game that was rated for a mature audience. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: The TV and Game Console are NOT babysitters.

Believe it or not, parents, while you raise little Timmy, you’re actually supposed to do some actual parenting. It’s an unusual concept, I know, but it’s true!

This whole hoo haa is caused by the mistaken idea by most people who assume that computer games are for children, when in fact the average age for gamers is between 20 to 28, and the upper end of the age range is rising all the time.

Very few get mad when a violent movie is released, because that’s for adults. Apparently, games are just for kids.

Anyway, I’m going over old ground here, so I’ll get to the funny part.

Guess who the latest politician is who has ‘condemned’ GTA San Andreas? Someone who is so incensed that she has not just asked, but DEMANDED that the people responsible for this filth are brought to justice?


That’s right, the woman whose husband, the then President of the United States of America, caused one of the greatest sex scandals the world has ever known.

What did she say at the time? That she will ‘support her husband’.

So let me get this straight. This sex scene is in a game that is:

a) Less explicit than something shown on cable TV at 9pm.

b) Involves fully clothed characters made up of polygons (they aren’t even real, for Christ’s sake)

c) In a video game designed, aimed at and sold only to adults


d) Can’t even be accessed without specific and detailed computer knowledge.

However, this game, to Hilary, is evil, obscene and is the result of people with no regard for the future of morals in the Western World, who should be punished severely.

What a crock of s**t!

On the other hand, however, openly supporting your husband, who just happens to be the President of the US, possibly the most well known person in the world, is completely acceptable!

Well it actually would be acceptable if your husband wasn’t the President who got a blowjob from an intern at the White House, did all that business with the cigar and caused one of the largest scandals in the history of the world.

Oh, and then lying through his teeth to the American people about it.

Apparently, an almost inaccessible sex scene in a video game for adults is just plain wrong. Supporting your ‘leader of the free world’ husband, who saw nothing wrong with indulging in a little light extra-marital sodomy is just fine!

Yes, I’m sure the President and First Lady aren’t role-models and won’t influence children at all!

Oh, and in case you can’t tell, I’m being sarcastic.

Let me get this straight, once and for all.

Video games are RATED, Just like movies.

GTA San Andreas is made for and targeted only at adults. If children manage to get hold of a copy and play it, it’s because their parents aren’t paying attention. Don’t blame the game companies because parents can’t be bothered to do any actual parenting.

In my opinion, Hilary Clinton, you’re nothing but a band wagon jumper. If you’re going to openly ‘condemn’ something, do a little research and actually know what you’re talking about before you make a public statement. But then again, common sense and research doesn’t get you many votes, does it? Not when you can blow something so ridiculously stupid and tiny out of all proportion. You purposefully fan the flames of an unjustifiable moral panic…all so you can set yourself up as the one, moral crusader against this evil video game.

Seriously, I’ve seen more explicit images on a diet commercial.

If an ultra-tame sex scene in a video game for adults offends you that much, why did it appear not to bother you when your husband decided to stick his penis in Monica Lewinski’s mouth?

I’m not saying children aren’t going to play mature rated video games, they will, just as kids will watch M rated movies. It will happen. However, that doesn’t mean that every single form of entertainment in America should be made child friendly, just in case little Timmy gets it into his head to watch it.

Next time you talk about anything setting a bad example for the country’s children, take a look at your husband. Something tells me that the leader of the free world should set an example to those very same children. So should his wife.

While we’re talking about bad influences on children, let’s look at politicians. Politicians are the worlds most prolific and accomplished liars, who every other week, are splashed all over the papers for scandals of their own. You name it. Bondage clubs, extra marital sex, embezzling public money, racist slurs…

If you really want to help the children of the world, don’t ban video games.

Ban Politicians.


MC Etcher said...

The majority of games have remnant code like the one in GTA SA.

In one game I worked on, an evil genius giggles with glee as he masturbates, watching a wall of video screens showing the death and destruction of his various enemies.

And this is an 'E For Everyone' title.

Vicarious Living said...

Good Grief - it's for adults!
Whatever Hilary.

Litany said...

Wow I hadn't heard about that GTA thing, funny!

It's odd that politicians attack products made for mature audiences, and shows like The Wiggles where these freaky gay dudes hop around is considered ok.