Monday, May 10, 2010

Today was not a good day.

As much as I'm loathed to admit it, the simple mention of Sunny's son's name now is enough to drive me into a rage.

It's not that he 'accidentally' took my $850 camera, wiped the irreplaceable pictures from it and returned it broken, it's not even that he stole the $250 camera we bought to replace it. It's not the fact that recent events have given me a very good idea where my guitar went or where Sunny's original wedding ring vanished to.

It's to do with the fact that over the last six years we've taken him and his entire family in more times than I can count and let them stay completely for free. It's the fact that I've gotten into blazing rows with people defending him and it's turned out he was lying to me all along. It's the fact that we've absolutely bent over backwards for years to help him, and got treated like shit in return.

It's the fact that he's lied to our faces and played us for fools for six years.

Most of all, it's the fact that after he turned up with nowhere else to go for the hundredth time, I took him in…and the next day, he leaves to stay with his cousin, telling me how much he's going to miss me, made a point of giving me a hug before he left…while he had my fucking camera in his pocket.

I don't even know how to describe someone like that. I don't think there're words in the English language to cover it. 'Thief' and 'Liar' aren't strong enough. This is a person who can look me in the eye, thank me for all the help I've given him, tell me that he's going to miss me while he's stealing from me.

Oh, and it's not just the $1000 worth of cameras, it's all the other things that have mysteriously vanished over the years. The things I thought must have got accidentally thrown away or someone else must have stolen…because there's just no way Frank would steal from us, not when we've been feeding his wife and two kids for the past year, not when Sunny's only getting four hours of sleep per day because she's getting in from work and driving them around everywhere they need to go.

So you can probably understand why I get a little bit bent out of shape when the phone rings, Sunny answers, and then without a word, mysteriously decides to take the call outside… and it turns out she'd having a nice chat with her son.

I just about went ballistic. If a member of my family had stolen something so expensive and sentimental from Sunny, and I replaced it, and then he stole the replacement the morning after we'd taken him in for the hundredth time…I don't know how I'd react….but I know I wouldn't be having a nice chat with him on the phone two weeks later.

The worst part is when Sunny came back into the house and said "We already talked about your camera when I first went outside!"…as though, you know, they talked about it, dealt with that issue…so I've got no reason to get pissed off that they're having a chat like nothing had ever happened.

You can imagine my response. I asked why, if she'd already talked about the camera, why the fuck he wasn't either on his way to the house to return it, or to man up and come over to apologize to my face.

This is the thing Sunny just doesn't understand. It's not that he's been lying to our faces for six years…it's the fact that he's still fucking lying.

If she's still talking to him, what she's saying to him is "Hey, we know you've been lying and stealing from us for years, I know you're lying to me right at this very second…but hey, that's okay because we'll pretend like none of this ever happened."

The real cherry on the cake for me was seeing just how easily Sunny got mad at me when she saw how pissed off I was. Apparently, me getting mad that she's having a nice chat with the person who's into me for well over $1000 and has lied, and is still lying, to us is justifyable cause for her to get angry with me.

Her Son, who's fucked us over time and time again for six years…well, that's no reason to get angry at him, is it? Let's just pretend the whole thing never happened.



Sunny said...

It's not YOU I was mad at, Babe.

It's the fact that there's his big fucking mess and, yet again, I'm the one stuck in the middle of it all and I'm the one who is expected to somehow fix it.

I thought telling him that him not being able to come back to the house would make him see the light and DO what was right. But it didn't.

I've never dealt with this kind of betrayal from one of my kids before. And realizing how LONG it's probably been going on is making it worse and I will be the first to admit I am NOT handling it all.

Anonymous said...

For what it's worth, which may not be much, i'd be mad as hell too.
Recent events in our household have shown me that sometimes you just can't trust some people as much as you would like to and for me a thief and a liar are just about the worst traits a person can have.

That being said, i'm not sure you or I can understand what the bond is between parent and child given that we've not had children. I'm not excusing what's happening, i'm just saying that maybe Sunny is just as mad as you, but short of disowning her remaining son, what else can she do other than ban him from the house until an apology is made and said item is returned.

I'm not so sure she's in a winning situation on this one.

Scratch the hostile fay said...

It's difficult when it's your own child, isn't it? But some people are just like that, I guess. Doesn't excuse the behavior....

If there's any consolation to you, if you still plan on moving, you won't have to deal with this any more once you're settled in (unless he follows you over there?)

Maybe then he'll realize how stupid he was, when that support is no longer there.

Just a thought, and I'm sorry it turned out this way. Some people NEVER grow up.


Brooklyn Book Lover said...

Just discovered your blog and read this post. Has Frank been tested for drugs? Does he have a gambling problem? He is stealing to feed a habit. Whether it be drugs, gambling or what ever. When a person has a habit they do not care who they hurt in order to get their next fix. They have no conscience. The only people who suffer are the ones who love them. We bend over backwards to help them out of one crisis or another only to be crapped on. It is a vicious cycle and the only way it will end is if you remain strong. I have been in your shoes and in order to keep my own sanity I had to stop allowing certain people in my life. Do I miss them? Sure. But I miss the people that they USED to be. NOT the people they have become. Good luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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