Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Resumes....Jake "The Snake" Roberts Style!

Considering I’ve had my work permit and Greencard for months now, and still haven’t found a job, I’m starting to wonder if there’s something wrong with my resume.

I mean, there shouldn’t be. I have my degree on there, all the relevant experience I need for the type of job I’m looking for, so I just can’t figure it out.

I think I’ve found myself in that unfortunate career corridor, where I’m slightly to under qualified for the better jobs, and slightly over qualified for the lesser ones. No one will hire me as an Admin officer because I only have a couple years experience in that field…and they won’t hire me at Staples or Walmart because of the letters after my name.

However, I think I’ve found the solution to my problem. I’m going to find the guy that pitched the idea for professional wrestling and get him to write my resume for me.

I mean, imagine that meeting:

“Here’s the plan. We’re going to invent a ‘sport’ that involves groups of highly-muscled, oiled up men grappling with each other while wearing tights. Now they won’t actually fight, they’ll only pretend to, and most of the time the fighting will be wildly unrealistic. Also, we’ll have a referee, but his job will be mostly to get’ accidentally’ knocked out so the wrestlers can use ‘illegal’ moves…despite the fact there will be no discernable rules whatsoever.”

“So, homoerotic, incredibly fake fighting that a two year old would laugh at as fake?”


“Here’s a check for a bazillion dollars.”

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