Saturday, April 21, 2007

Open Letter

Dear Celebrities,

Let me start by saying I understand your thinking. You’ve been in a few movies, you have a popular TV show and you’re constantly surrounded by sycophants who do nothing but stroke your ego and give you an over-inflated sense of importance.

I get it. You’re constantly being told you’re the greatest person in the world, and that’s why J-Lo can demand 14 dressing rooms with a straight face, or Britney can go bat-shit crazy and shave her head when she encounters the first actual problem of her life.

However, it’s time for a reality check.

Just because you have a job where you stand in front of a camera and pretend to be someone else, or host a daytime talk show watched by bored housewives everywhere, does not qualify you as a political commentator, guardian of morality or make your opinion more important than the average Joe in the street.

Basically, I don’t care if Rosie thinks the 9/11 attacks where part of some grand conspiracy. I don’t care if Tom Cruise thinks that psychology is a hoax (and instead thinks that paying an organization a large portion of his earnings to help rid his mind of the evil spirits of aliens that were thrown into a volcano by the evil lord Xenu is a great idea)…and I certainly don’t care if a fat Texan with the balls to release his own diet book decides to blame murders and violence on a pastime played by millions and millions of people worldwide.

You see, celebs, it’s pretty much impossible to be in your line of work without getting ‘damaged’. You get paid silly amounts of money, you get to do whatever you want, whenever you want, you can’t walk down the street without someone you’ve never met asking for your autograph and telling you how great you are….and you think this is real life.

So here’s my request. Continue acting in movies, continue making your music or starring in your TV show…however, when you get interviewed or get some personal camera time, stick to talking about the things you’re famous for…rather than spouting ill-informed, ridiculous rhetoric. The people pay you to act, not to get your views on world events and politics.

Rosie, you’re a failed actor who somehow ended up with a crappy talk show hardly anyone watches…why do you think anyone cares what you think really happened on 9/11, and I’m pretty sure you weren’t party to any ‘inside info’ no one else got. If a government oversight agency uncovers some wrong-doing, I’m sure the first thing they say is not “Quick! Get Rosie O’Donnell on the phone!”

Dr. Phil, I know it’s going to get you more publicity and a stronger following among the blue-haired octogenarians who watch your show to blame the VT shootings on gaming…but the fact the whole situation can be summed up as “Millions of gamers – A dozen shootings tenuously linked to gaming = 1 1/1000th of a percentage of gamers shooting people = No causal factor” just shows you’re a publicity whore trying to use the tragic deaths of 32 people to get more TV time.

Basically, it’s easy to argue against gun control and say no-one needs a weapon to protect themselves when you don’t go anywhere without a bunch of ex-special forces bodyguards. It’s easy to blame violence on videogame and call for a ban when you’ve never touched a controller and your kids don’t need that form of entertainment because they’ve got their own Olympic sized swimming pool and tennis court.



1 comment:

Saffyre said...

I do so love your vents...