Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Dumbest Cat in the World.

As many people know, I love to cook.

Today, Sunny and I did something I've wanted to do for quite a long time, which is buy a planter, some potting soil and some herb seeds. (and no, not that kind of 'herb' you stoner dumbasses, pull your pants up, and believe me, I don't "totally have to listen to this song".)


Anyway, considering my gardening skills are right up there with my knowledge of fine wines of Estonia...I realized I didn't have enough space in the planter to sow all the seeds I'd bought.

So, after Sunny left for work, I found an over sized bowl that we don't use that would be perfect for planting the mint seeds I'd bought. Awesome.

So now you need a little background info on the kitty. Leonard (I changed his name from Spook to Leonard...don't ask me why, it just suits him) eats like he's never seen food before in his life. As soon as he hears the food bag rustle he charges, mewls like he's being eaten by a shark, and has his head in the bowl long before any food gets in there. This usually results in his wearing most of his food on the back of his head.

Can you tell where this is going yet?

Well, it's nearly midnight, so I'm not going outside to plant the seeds, so I go to the kitchen, which has a nice wipe-clean linoleum floor, put the bowl down and pick up the potting soil. Just as the bowl got about half filled, Leonard appears in the doorway, charges the bowl and starts munching before I know what's happening.

Let's just say I had no idea a cat's face could be so expressive. Let's take a look at the instant replay:

0.01 seconds : Face filled with triumph with a hint of "Ah-HA! You can't hide food from me, for I am the Mighty Leonard!!! Bow before me!!!"

0.52 seconds : His face changes from triumph to smug satisfaction.

1.24 seconds : Consternation, with overtones of "Put the bowl back on the floor, fucker, I'm eating that....Don't you know who I am?"

1.76 seconds : Eyes widen, and his face says "There's something not quite right here."

2.00 seconds : Realisation dawns, and he starts breakdancing.

4.7 seconds : He gives me a look that can only be summed up as: "You'll pay for this fucker, you'd better start checking your shoes."

7.3 seconds : he stalks off to his this point, even the dog is's not often Buddy gets to call someone dumb.

Moral of the Story : Don't be greedy, and cats are dumbasses.

1 comment:

Kato said...

Your cat just got totally owned.