Monday, May 21, 2007

Bloody Cats.

There’s only one animal in the whole animal kingdom that can be classified as truly evil, and it’s the common house cat.

Not only that, they’re the only animals in the world that can be considered devious, duplicitous and selfish.

Take my cat, for example.

If I fill his food bowl, he’ll start to eat until the very second he hears me start to fill the dog’s bowl, then he charges in there and tries to bury himself in the dog’s food. At first, I just assumed he liked the dog’s food more than his own…but as we ran out of cat food this week, I filled his bowl with some of the dog’s food. Exactly the same thing happened. Same food, he just wanted to eat the dog’s first.

However, if you really want to see a house-cat’s evilness is action, watch them when they catch a mouse.

Every other animal in the world kills for one of three reasons. Food, territory or dominance…and even then, a Tiger or wild dog will happily watch a challenger limp away rather than go for the kill. An outsider will encroach on a Lion’s territory and it’ll chase it off. A young lion will challenge the Alpha Male’s authority, and the Alpha Male will give the upstart a bloody good kicking, but not tear its throat out.

Watch a cat with a mouse. They toy with them. They’re not killing through necessity…they’re killing because they bloody love it.

Recently, Leonard managed to catch a mouse. He started juggling with it. Seriously, the first I knew about the mouse was when I walked into the hallway and saw it sail through the air at my eye-level.

He’d throw it up in the air, then he’d leave it alone until the poor thing tried to make a break for it, only to slam it with his paw and start juggling with it again.

Then we come to the worst part. When it was finally dead, it wasn’t interesting any more, so he walked away and left it.

Seriously, how many animals can you name that hunt just for the sheer fun of killing?

Watch a tiger or lion hunting a zebra. They chase it down, grab its throat until it suffocates and then eat it. Do they grab one, pull it to the ground…then let it get up, run a few more feet and knock it down again? Nope…because they’re hunting for food. If you stuck a pile of fresh meat next to a zebra, it’s doubtful the Lion’s would kill it at all.

Then we come to Leonard’s daily tormenting of the dog.

Buddy will be happily asleep on the floor, and if Leonard doesn’t want to use him as a mattress, he’ll sneak up, whack Buddy around the face as many times as he can and run away. Or wait for him to walk past, latch onto his leg and just keep biting.

He’s just lucky that Buddy’s been around cats since he was a puppy and knows he not allowed to get too rough with them. Sometimes, Buddy will just stand there, with the cat going to town on his legs or tail…and look at me like “Dude, can you please do something about this fucker?”

Finally, last night I was trying to sleep and Leonard decided my face was a really comfortable looking place to sleep.

After being thrown off the bed three times, I felt him jump back up, and he crept up next to me…stayed perfectly still for a couple of minutes…before he whacked me on the nose before hauling ass out of the bedroom.

…and the little fucker wonders why I use the laser pointer to run him into walls.

1 comment:

Saffyre said...

Oh that was TOO funny!