Wednesday, May 30, 2007


So, this morning I got to fulfill a lifelong dream.

I rendered a telemarketer speechless, and actually got them to hang up on me!

The phone rang at the ungodly hour of quarter to eight this morning. (Great idea, guys, getting people out of bed or just on their way out to work is sure to have them in a good mood)

Here’s the complete conversation:

ME : (Assuming the caller is Sunny). “HelllllllllllllooooooooOOOOOooooooOOOO?”

TELEMARKETER : “Ummmm, (Pause) Hi! This is Rachel from (Company name), am I speaking with Mr. Malone?”

ME : (Already embarrassed, so deciding to just go with it) : “You most certainly are, my dear, and what can I do for you on this glorious morning?”

TELEMARKETER : (Sales pitch about burial plots), “So, have you given any thought to your funeral arrangements?”

ME : “Oh, absolutely! I’m going to get stuffed and mounted in my living room, dressed like a Viking and in a pose where I’m suplexing a Puma. It’s going to be Sooooooooo badASS!”


ME : Think about it, my friends come over, all bummed out that I’m dead, then WHAM! There I am in the corner, suplexing a freaking PUMA! A PUMA, dude! They’ll be all like “Dude!” and I’ll be all “Dude, I’m dead but I ROCK!” and they’ll be all “Whoa!” and I’ll be like “Whoa!” and they’ll be like “Dude! Your hat has HORNS!” and stuff.

Tell me that’s not KICK ASS! A freaking PUMA!”

TELEMARKETER: (Silence)….Click.

Yeah, before anyone points it out, I totally stole the “stuffed, suplexing a puma” from Homestarrunner’s Strong Bad, but I’m not claiming to have come up with it, I just used it.

Now accept the “Life, W.T.H.I.G.O.” challenge. Make a telemarketer hang up on you in the funniest or most unusual way you can imagine. Bragging rights go to the funniest.


Diana said...

The best way I ever made a telemarketer hang up on me:

Some friends of mine were going through a tough financial time (lay offs, new baby, everything all at once) and were consequently getting LOTS of calls from collectors every night. One night, there had been at least half a dozen, and those of us gathered were taking turns answering the phones. It was my turn…bear in mind, I am a girl. A girly girl, with a girl’s voice...and the person in question had a very masculine name…a name that would NEVER be a woman’s…

TM: Hello, may I speak with Mr. AH?
Me: This is.
Me: Yes
TM: I need to speak with Mr. AH.
Me: This IS Mr. AH
TM: No, I need to speak to a man named AH
Me: This is AH
TM: I need to speak with MISTER A(full first name) H(full last name)
Me: This is MISTER A(full first name) H(full last name)
(Repeat about three times)
TM hangs up

The best part: the Mrs in question worked for a credit card company, and wrote the training for their collections staff. According to federal law, if someone identifies themselves as the person they are calling for, they have to take their word for it. For all she knew Mr. AH was becoming a woman/had just become a man and the voice/name hadn’t quite caught up….

marie said...

thank you paul, I just about fell out of my desk chair at work i was laughing so hard. My boss lady thinks im a little mental now.:)

manda said...

lol yeah me too, i read this while in class.. ty for giving my day a good start :)

have you ever heard of a pedestrian marketer, one day, this dude come up to me and my friend while on campus, he's in a car. and we're walking and he starts advertising to us... instead of being nice or funny i basically told him to fuck off. and he left, extremely offended. I was extremely offended that he wanted us poor college students to buy something from him.