Monday, January 08, 2007

A few days ago, I was working on my laptop, and I got the following message:

Battery Low. You should change the battery or plug into an outlet immediately to save from losing your work.

Something about that phrase bugged me, until I finally worked out what it was.

Do I really need to be told that my laptop suddenly losing all power will cause me to lose anything I haven’t saved? Seriously, do you need to be told that? I mean, come on, you don’t need to be a fricking rocket scientist to work that one out.

What’s next?

You are on fire, you should attempt to extinguish the flames immediately, to save from losing all your skin.

Or how about:

You balls are in a vice, this is not a good idea, you should remove your balls immediately to keep your ability to have children.

I mean, seriously, what the fuck?

Anyone noticed that now there is no option to “Shut Down” your computer any more? Instead you “Turn Off” your computer? Seriously people, if you don’t have the mental capacity to decode the “jargon” and understand that “Shut Down” means “Turn Off”, you’re too fucking stupid to own a computer.

It’s not even just these little cosmetic flaws.

I remember when if my computer had a problem, it would give me an error message. An error message I could look at to discover what’s wrong. You know, if I have an IRQ conflict, I’d know to check my device manager and see what was conflicting with what.

However, today, we just get a nice little friendly box, that gives us another “No-shit-sherlock’ comment:

This application has encountered an error and has had to close (Really? I thought photoshop was meant to crash to the desktop every time I apply a layer mask). Would you like to tell Microsoft about this problem?

Explain this to me. Why would I want to send a message to Microsoft telling them that a piece of software they didn’t even make has thrown a major wobbly. What’s going to happen? Am I going to get an email back telling me what’s wrong?

No, it’ll go in a list of a million other problems that may be looked at at some point in the next million years, before it’s decided that my particular problem is too rare to fix in the next patch, or the next operating system I’m expected to pay $800 for!

What really gets me isn’t so much the “tell Microsoft” option, or the needless stating of the obvious…it’s the removal of the error message. Apparently seeing some actual code on the screen, or anything that isn’t presented to you by a cute little dog or that fucking paper-clip is far too intimidating for the average user.

I mean, we can’t even boot into Dos-mode any more, because as computer users we’re far too stupid to be allowed access to the inner workings of our own PC’s, because without Windows standing over our shoulder we might break something.

Program Files “This folder contains files that make your computer work, there is no need to alter these files.”

Fuck the fact that that Browser Hijack could be eaily removed in three seconds in DOS, we’re not allowed.

Look, I’m all for computers being made quicker and easier to use, but theirs is absolutely no reason to take out the more advanced options and applications. Sure, more people will fuck up their own computers…but that’s their boo-hoo and the only way they’ll learn.

There really should be two versions of every operating system. One with the same level of access for the user as Windows 3.1 (back when you where actually expected to be able to tie your own shoelaces to use a computer), and one on a par with the current version of Windows XP.

Only the XP version should called “Window’s ‘Tard Edition.”

1 comment:

Saffyre said...

Bloody hell. When you vent your vitriolic wrath, you really go for it don't you?

Take a deep breath. Eat a packet of hula hoops and chill the fuck out!!! *grins*