Friday, January 05, 2007

Another Open Letter

Dear Dumbasses of the World,

This is a formal notification that you are not, in any way obligated to copy the things you see on Youtube.

Yes, Youtube videos are fun. It’s nice to see Darwinism at work as yet another dumbass douses themselves with gasoline, strikes a match, and is honestly surprised to discover that:

a) Fire is hot.

b) It hurts like buggery.

It seems the latest fashion is for “Dry Ice Bombs”. Of course, this started as a fun science experiment. You drop a couple pieces of dry ice into a few inches of water, put the top on the Cola bottle and stand back as the expanding gasses make the bottle explode in a spectacular fashion.

Of course, in a classic case of dumbass one-upmanship, we now have people filling trashcans with water and about 50lbs of dry ice.

Apparently the risk of getting hit with a small piece of plastic from a bottle isn’t “extreme” enough for you. It appears that the risk of death and dismemberment isn’t quite high enough with the standard experiment.

Why is that nothing is considered fun to you people unless there’s a 50/50 chance or carrying your leg home in a shopping bag?

Look, I won’t lie to you, if you start copying this shit, you’re going to end up (at best) losing a couple fingers, and to be completely honest, I couldn’t care less. If you lose your head (both literally and figuratively), it just means one less dumbass in the world.

What I do care about is the fact that when you’re looking at the bloody stump where your hand used to be, or find your upper body skinless…you’re not going to think “Hmmm, maybe holding a lighter in each hand and jumping into a swimming pool filled with gasoline and butane wasn’t such a good idea.”

Instead, you and the Jack Thompson-esque fame hunters are going to think: “That evil Youtube site put this idea in my head, and there was NO WARNING DISCLAIMER! CHA-CHING!”

So please don’t. I don’t feel like having to put up with yet more government control and censorship, because you fuckwits don’t have the necessary brain capacity to understand that driving a truck on a lake covered with a quarter inch of ice while setting yourself on fire isn’t a terribly good idea.

Yours Sincerely


PS If you don’t do as instructed, we’ll simply see to it that all the warning labels are taken off household products. You’ll all be dead within minutes.


OzzyC said...

The idiots you're addressing won't listen to this post.

Saffyre said...


These people are a plague on civilised society.