Seriously?... Seriously.

This morning I dragged myself out of bed into the below freezing temperatures we're currently suffering here in SC, shuffled to the bathroom, and after doing what most people do first thing in the morning, I regarded my beard in the mirror.

I've let it grow out recently, but as I looked at it (and it, in a way, looked back at me), I wished I could shave. Alas, it was not to be.

"Curse my choice of hobbies!" I exclaimed as I shook my fist skywards. "Why must I spend the bulk of my leisure time with a 360 controller in my hands?"

My eyes cast down to the myriad destroyed razors in the small trash can next to the sink. What had I been thinking? Trying to use a normal's razor on my gamer's beard? Preposterous! Everyone knows that someone who plays videogames has significantly different skin and beard-hair compared to people who don't game!

I dropped to my knees, cursing my gamer's beard. Why hasn't anyone filled this obvious glaring omission in the shaving tools industry? We gamers need razors designed specifically for us. Can't anyone see that? Can't anyone make a razor just for gamers?

Oh wait…they have

Yeah, I really wish I was joking about this. I can totally understand 'gamer branded' breakfast cereal, toys, candy…and while I'll openly laugh at anyone dumb enough to buy a particular brand of soda because they'll think it will make them better at Halo, I can at least understand the basic marketing idea. Caffeine = better twitch skills…but razors?

I mean, I can understand Gillette's thinking. The gamer demographic is that awfully lucrative male 18-30 bracket, so I understand them wanting our money, but surely there's a less transparent way to cash in?

I could understand them giving away Microsoft points or something with every blade purchase, or some tie-in ad showing Sam Fisher or Marcus Fenix shaving with said razor…but what they're saying is gamers need their own specific blade.

You know what, Gillette, we're letting you get by with an awful lot as it is. My missus has shaved her legs with my razor and I've shaved my face with her's…and I noticed absolutely no difference in shave comfort or quality. Most of your business revolves around your customer base believing that your five blade razor is advanced technology while your competition's four blade razor is like shaving with a block of wood…or that a tiny motor that makes the razor vibrate is really super-classified 'micro-pulse' technology.

Basically, Gillette, take your micro-fusion gamer and shove it up your backside.