Friday, March 06, 2009

Til death do us part.

My wife honestly worries me at times.

I wrote a post a while ago when I introduced her to GTA IV. Faced with all the possibilities in that awesome sandbox game, with all those awesome things that you can do, she chose to spend her time wandering around Liberty City punching hobos. Yeah, not flying helicopters, not jumping motorcycles off things…but punching hobos.

It becomes slightly scarier when you realize hobos in GTA IV aren't all that common. That scary, scary wife of mine would walk straight past every other citizen of liberty city without a second look…but God help any hobo that crossed her path. When she found one sleeping under a bridge and asked if there was a way to set him on fire without waking him first…I took the control from her and slept with one eye open for weeks.

Fast forward to today and Sunny's son Frank was over and the two of us were playing a few games on he 360. When we got bored of Call of Duty, I put in Halo 3, and we played for an hour listening to Sunny and Marie talking in loud pointed voices about how they just don't know how anyone could play videogames for so long. You know, subtle shit like that.

This went on for a while, but the two of them only really got interested in watching the game when we switched from Co-op to head to head.

Frank hasn't played much Halo, and to be completely honest I was at a huge advantage through sheer practice. Basically, I play a lot of videogames and Frank doesn't. I know the maps like the back of my hand…and Frank still wasn't even used to the controls. In other words, the game was an absolute slaughter…and because of that, we weren't taking it even slightly seriously.

At one point, after a particularly spectacular kill, Frank's body flew through the air and landed at my feet…I couldn't resist.

I said "Hey Frank, watch this!"…and did that most douchebaggiest of moves…I made my Character 'teabag' his.

If you don't know what this means, you basically stand over your fallen opponent and hit the crouch button over and over again…you know, like you're rubbing your balls on your opponent's face.

(Note: 'Teabagging' an opponent in Halo really is a massive douchebag move…and there's a massive difference between doing it to a friend 'ironically' because you know they'll laugh at it and doing it to a stranger to show how 'awesome' you are. Kids, just say no.)

Anyway, I was in full five year old mode, spouting awesome witticisms like "Hah ha! I'm rubbing my butt on your face!!! (fart noise) How's that smell? How does my butthole smell on your face? Ha ha! My butt's on your face!" You know, really well thought out, cutting jibes.

The two of us were cracking up when suddenly I hear Sunny's voice from behind me, sounding totally serious:

"Ah…" She said. "I think I finally get the appeal of this game."

Yeah, my wife, the virtual hobo-puncher, isn't impressed by Halo 3 at all…until she realizes it can be used to virtually rub your butthole on someone's face while gloating.

Oh, and this is a woman who swears that she isn't competitive.


Evan 08 said...

Mrs. Evan and I both got a kick out of that one.

Sunny said...

LMAO- NO- I meant that I saw the appeal for you GUYS when I saw you teabagging each other....Not that it appealed to ME!!!

God LORD man!!!!!!!!

That's what you get for half-assed listening to a conversation...

Just play your damn game and don't pick on me or I'll come on there and kick your little avatars ass with my awesomeness- and you know I can do it cause I like to torture Hobos.

Anonymous said...