Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Random Musings

Random musings from today:

We went grocery shopping, and as we walked down the meat aisle, I saw a guy sporting, quite simply, the most magnificent mullet I have ever seen…ever. Carefully gelled on top into an enormous quiff; the trademark short sides, and an impressive length (in cheeky half twist ringlets) down his back.

I attempted to point this out to Sunny but, typical woman, her attention in the grocery store is on stupid things, like groceries, instead of on the 'Noble Sport of Mullet Spotting'.

He spotted me, and I almost panicked, but managed to pull it together in time to pretend to be eyeing the teriyaki pork tenderloin over his shoulder.

I mean, what do you say to someone like that?

“Hey dude! Nice mullet!”

What kind of person has the kind of hairstyle, that even complimenting it, sounds like an insult?

I’ll leave it like this: If you have a mullet, you’re trying to have two hairstyles at once.

Don’t be greedy.

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Also in the hair category, once we got to the checkout, we ended up queuing behind a black girl, who had one of those hairstyles that looks like they have to get up before they go to bed to prepare it. I mean, one of those really intricate hairstyles that wouldn’t look out of place in an art gallery.

Still reeling from my near miss with the mullet, I thought about what I’d say if she noticed me looking.

I thought that it’s pretty common for black girls to have those kind of hairstyles, and then I thought ‘Is that racial profiling?’

Is saying something like ‘I like your hair! I’ve noticed a lot of black people have hair like that.’ Wrong?

Can a compliment be construed as racist? Is saying ‘Black girls have nice hair’ racist because you’re essentially clumping all black females into one group, with pre-conceived notions about said group, even if that said notion is a positive one?

Then I realized that I didn’t care, and tried to convince sunny to buy me a candy bar.

She said no.

(but she did buy me a Jumbo-Jack on the way home, so it worked out well for all parties …except for maybe the nice-hair girl, I don’t know how it worked out for her).

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Later, we stopped by Dollar General for Cat-litter. I saw a few things of note.

First was the toy chainsaw (ages 4-6). That took a few minutes to sink in. A toy chainsaw. A… TOY… chainsaw. Hmm, do you really want a toddler to make a mental connection between playtime and incredibly dangerous power-tools?

“Hey, little Timmy, wanna play ‘Chainsaw Massacre?’”

“I can’t, my chainsaw’s out of batteries.”

“That’s ok, my Dad’s got one in the basement.”

“Cool! I get to be the victim!”

People say videogames are dangerous. Giving a 4 year old a replica chainsaw, and telling them to ‘go play’ isn’t.

The next thing I noticed was the sheer number of name-brand rip-offs. From the “Star-Battles Laser Sword” (Read Star Wars Lightsaber), to the “Turtle Hero” plastic Sai. (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, anyone?)

Those things where everywhere. It made me wonder, in a country that has more lawyers per square mile than actual people…how do they get away with this?

Oh, and parents, buying your child the name brand rip-off, is absolutely guaranteed to get them beaten up by their friends. Don’t do it.

Oh, and there where no hairstyles of note in dollar general.

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Finally, something my step-son Frank pointed out to me. Around where we live there are lots of tricked out cars. 40 inch chrome rims, custom paint jobs and body vinyls, spoilers, bodykits and hydraulics.

Most of them are seen broken down on the side of the road.

Let me get this straight. You can afford about $800 for rims, a few grand for a carbon fiber hood…but you can’t actually get the thing to run?

Get your priorities right.

Oh, and although I have almost no way to prove this, I bet the people who own these tricked out curb-ornaments, all have very bad hair.

Maybe even a few mullets.


Vicarious Living said...

I like this post - so many things to choose from.

Mullets are a sore subject for me. Not because I have one, but I know people who still do, and I have to claim them as family. I am not comfortable with this.

And as for the intricate stylings, there is no way I could put up with that much pain and patience. Sometimes it does look like a work of art, but the price is way to steep.

A Bob-the-Builder screwdriver, maybe. A toy chainsaw, absolutely not. Daddy's toolbox better have a good lock on it.

Kato said...

Your mention of mullets brings up a question that I can only ask you, as you are the only Brit I currently know. Seeing as how your country of birth brought such hair-styles as the mop-top and the mohawk (and other punk-related 'dos) to the U.S., did the mullet make its way back across the pond to the U.K.? I am, of course, assuming that either we or the Canadians "invented" the mullet 'cause, c'mon, let's not kid ourselves.

(btw, my word verification was "upbugya")

Paulius said...

Unfortunately, the mullet did make it to England.

However, it never reached to popularity it did over here, probably because Mullet-wearers are subject to: