Married Moments

When you’ve been married for a while, things change.

Not in a bad way, not in a good way…just a ‘different’ way.

You see, when you first get married, the normal every day stuff you do becomes a minefield of probable inappropriateness.

For example, going to the bathroom becomes a big production. You make sure the door’s locked, put a towel at the bottom of the door to keep the noises and smells in, turn on the shower, cough loudly every time you fart in there…God forbid that she knows that you are even capable of crapping.

It’s a mess.

It’s the same when it comes to laundry. You’d rather throw your underwear away than have your new beautiful wife to be pick them up and notice that they smell slightly.

But as time goes on you get used to each other, comfortable with each other…and this leads to ‘Married Moments’.

So what exactly is a ‘Married Moment’?

A married moment is when you discover that you know your significant other so well, that you either do something, or ask them to do something, that you wouldn’t do with anyone else…

…No, I’m not talking about THAT, you filthy minded reprobates! Get your minds out of the gutter, people.

Now that unpleasantness is out of the way, let me give you an actual real life example.

When I was first married, I would actually get up, get dressed and then check myself thoroughly in the mirror. Does my T-Shirt go with these pants? How’s my hair? Any five ‘o clock shadow?

Now that doesn’t sound so unusual, until you realize that I was preening myself for a full day of sitting on the couch and watching TV.

Basically, you get dressed with the same amount of precision, to sit in your own living room, that you would for a night out on the town. God forbid your wife see that your socks, while the same color, are not EXACTLY the same length.

Then we fast-forward a couple years.

That’s when I find myself stepping out of the shower, gut hanging over the top of my towel, and I walk into the bedroom and say:

“Hey, sweetie? Do I have a spot on my back?”

Then I find myself asking:

“Does it look like it’s ready to pop?”

Then, I step across the line:

“Could ya get that for me?”

It’s at that point, when your wife asks you to turn another light on, to better see the disgusting zit on your back, then gets ready to pop it for you that you think:

“Oh my God, we are SO married!”

And you know what else? You can keep your flowers, chocolates and expensive gifts. When a woman is willing to pop a zit on your back that you can’t reach, and makes no big deal out of it, and can do it with a smile on her face…That’s love.