Saturday, September 04, 2010

UK ‘Weapon’ Laws are Retarded

So with the move coming up, I decided to do a bit of research to see what I can bring with me into the US.

I've already posted about my air-rifle being illegal in the UK, because it produces 13 ft-lbs of energy. This is a gun you can buy at Walmart with no age restriction, but I'd get into the same amount of trouble shipping it to the UK as I would if I shipped a shotgun or a 30.06 hunting rifle…because, you know, a gun that might penetrate a half inch under the skin and takes about a minute to reload between shots is the perfect bank-robber weapon.

However, knife laws make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Ok, so my Swiss Army knife is perfectly legal…but I discovered my other pocket knife is completely illegal, despite the fact it's a folding knife and the blade is actually half an inch smaller than my Swiss Army knife. Why? Because the blade locks in place.

Yeah, just like my pellet gun is obviously the tool of an assassin, if a knife's blade locks in place, even if it's a 2" blade, the only reason I could possibly have for carrying it is to stab people…because it's completely impossible to stab or cut someone with a non-locking blade.

It makes no sense. I mean, with all these draconian laws, it's a good job there's not a place in everyone's house where you can get your hands on great big sharp fixed blade knives…like a kitchen or something.

But the law I found most nonsensical is the laws regarding swords.

Apparently, it is illegal to buy, sell or import any 'curved blade sword'. Which makes perfect sense because a Katana is a million times more dangerous than a Rapier, Claymore or Broadsword…but here's the part that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever:

You can purchase and own a curved-blade sword on two conditions: It's a 'traditionally made' sword (Read: A functional, full tang, carbon steel Katana) AND you are a martial artist.

So, in other words, it's illegal for me to own a $100 'wall-hanger' decorative katana, a sword that would bend, break or the blade would part company with the handle if used it for anything other than looking pretty on my wall.

On the other hand, a trained martial artist, a person who has spent a lot of time practicing how to kill people with swords, can own a katana as long as it's a 'real' sword that would function flawlessly in a fight.

Yeah, wrap your head around that. To 'protect the people' it's illegal for an untrained person to own a weapon that would be useless in a fight…but It's perfectly legal for a trained person to own a sword that could remove your head in a single swipe.

Well, at least we know these laws are working. It's not like London is the knife-crime capital of the world.

Oh wait…yes it is.


hmshore said...

awful use of the word retarded. last time I checked it meant to slow down.

Paulius said...

Well, hmshore, there are two ways I could respond to that comment.

The first is to inform you that the dictionary definition of 'retarded' does indeed mean to slow down or hold back. For example, in World War 2 a 'retarded bomb' was a bomb fitted with a miniature parachute to slow the bomb's fall so the plane itself wouldn't be caught in the explosion during low-level bombings.

However, the most common usage of the word 'retarded' today is to describe someone with mental retardation, as in 'hmshore is retarded'.

My point is, whatever the dictionary definition of 'retarded' is today, in the common vernacular, 'retarded' also means stupid.

This is a common occurrence. For example, did you know that the term 'idiot', which is commonly used to describe someone who is stupid (IE hmshore is an idiot) was originally a very specific psychological term to describe someone having a mental age of less than three years old and an IQ lower than 25?

Even though this is still the dictionary definition of 'idiot' , it's meaning has changed over time until today it just means 'stupid'.

So that's the end of my first response. I'm glad I could inform you of your mistake and thank you for the opportunity to use my English degree.

My second response is much shorter and simpler.

Go eat a hot bowl of dicks! No one cares what you think.

Paulius said...

Oh, and last time *I* checked, sentences are supposed to start with a capital letter.

sjonen99 said...

Always found laws against throwing knives kinda silly! If its got a point on it, you can throw it!

Perry Tenitiss said...

Sentences should also have a subject to go with the predicate. Laws which hold back the use of an object may be correctly called retarded or better yet, retarding. This is all quite amusing to Americans who would pull out a gun and shoot you before you could get close enough to get that knife out of your pocket. In Texas where I live there's very little required to obtain a license to carry a concealed weapon. As long as the applicant is not a minor, a felon or a mental patient they can obtain it after taking a course and paying a fee. And with our "stand your ground" laws, that gun may be used anywhere the owner feels "threatened". The definition of that threat is still very loosely defined by the courts. Texas still has the death penalty as well. Basically, people in Texas kill one another frequently and seem to enjoy it.