Thursday, July 30, 2009

“It’s for you.”

Yesterday, I was standing in line at the gas station when one of those assholes walked in. You know the type. The guy who talks too loudly, constantly cracks bad jokes and thinks he's just hilarious…despite the fact he's just really, really annoying. The guy everyone avoids eye-contact with when they see him coming. He thinks he's the life of the party…while everyone else is having angry, whispered conversations about which fucking idiot invited him to the party in the first place.

When I got to the front of the line and started to pay for my diet Dr. Pepper, I heard the asshole's voice from behind me say "Who? The guy in the blue shirt?"

My Spider-sense started tingling. I was wearing a blue shirt. The voice spoke again "Yeah, he's standing right in front of me."

So I turned, wondering who the hell this guy was talking to, and saw he was holding a banana to his ear like a phone. "It's for you." He said, holding it out to me.

Wow, asshole. I thought. The old 'banana as a phone' joke…you honestly think that's funny?

So I reached out, took the bananat from him, put it to my ear and said "Hello?...Yeah… I know. I don't think he's funny either. Someone should really let him know that he's not funny and everyone thinks he's a loud, annoying annoying twat and not the 'comedian' he thinks he is….Do you want to tell him or shall I?...Ok." Then I handed the phone back and said: "Here, he's got something to tell you."

Actually…I just gave a half laugh and turned my back on the guy. I thought of the above just as I got to the car.

Damn I wish I was a little bit quicker, because that shit would have been hilarious.


Sunny said...

U R a

MC Etcher said...

Ha ha! You had me going there, I thought you really did it, for a moment.