Sunday, June 14, 2009

Then and Now

A kid's parents go away for the weekend and he throws a party. The house gets trashed and the police are called.

Then: The police break up the party, the parents are called and the kid gets punished, grounded and made to pay for the damages.

Now: Parents discover that their son announced the party on Craigslist. Parents call police and demand Craigslist be shut down. Fox news runs report on how Craigslist can turn your child into a sex-crazed alcoholic.

A group of people play a huge organized prank where they all start to simultaneously dance in a department store.

Then: Everybody has a good laugh, people have a story to tell their friends when they get home. Store manager is a little pissed but lets it go.

Now: A witness claims the whole experience was terrifying, attempts to sue the store and calls the police demanding all the pranksters be arrested. Fox News runs report on 'terrorist attack' where a 'sick, racist joke' almost resulted in people being trampled and dying of heart attacks. People who weren't even there try to sue for 'mental anguish'

A kid attempts to do a stupid stunt on his bike that results in a minor injury.

Then: Kid learns a lesson in gravity and decides not to attempt that stunt again. Parents notice bruises and scrapes but put it down to normal teen 'rough and tumble'.

Now: Kid's friend videos the failed stunt and uploads it to youtube. Kid becomes a minor web celebrity causing grass-roots 'parents groups' demand Youtube be banned for encouraging kids to do stupid things. Random people attempt to sue Youtube when their own kidsfail to pull off a similar stunts. Fox News runs a report on how if your kids have a cell phone camera, they could be recording a porno right now.

A guy takes his five year old daughter out for ice-cream and walk to the store hand in hand.

Then: They eat their ice-cream and have a fun time.

Now: Someone sees an adult walking hand in hand with a five year old girl and instantly calls the police claiming to have seen a pedophile abducting a little girl. Guy gets arrested and spends a harrowing afternoon in a cell with various criminals who kick the shit out of him for abusing little girls. Fox News runs report on how everyone is potentially a pedophile.

A family is gathered around their TV set when a 'wardrobe malfunction' means they get a split second glimpse of a nipple.

Then: The father and kids giggle while the mother rolls her eyes and tells them to grow up. The show's presenter makes a tongue-in-cheek apology after the commercials and life goes on.

Now: The parents freak out, sue the station and put their kids into therapy. They go on TV claiming how the nipple-flash 'damaged' their kids and how they need a billion dollars in damages. Then they all gather around the TV for that week's episode of CSI where a store clerk is beaten to death with a baseball bat. Fox News runs report on how televised images of nipples encourage rape.


Sunny said...

Ah, for the good old days.

We are a sick nation and becoming even more twisted as time goes on.

Makes me want to build an underground complex and go into hiding from this insanity just in case it's contagious.

Evan 08 said...

It is contageous, Sunny. Unfortunately, you're patient zero.

Anonymous said...

I remember Then... but at least Now has YOU.

I am continually depressed by the Media's need to make things worse than they are to make ratings & more annoying, people's inability to take responsibility for their own actions.