Tuesday, June 02, 2009

It is what it is

I realized today that it's been almost exactly four years since I've spoken to my brother, which lead me to the further realization that I really don't give a shit about that fact.

I'm not going to bore you with a lot of details, but in simplest terms, my brother is a sociopath. He doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything unless it directly affects him. He's center of his own universe and no-one else matters unless he wants something from them.

I finally cut off contact with him shortly after I moved to the US. He called me when Sunny and I were in the middle of remodeling the living room. I had a wall half down, was covered in drywall dust and was in the middle of nailing up a cleat to stop the false ceiling from falling down when the phone rang.

So, it's understandable that I answered the phone, said hello, but then said "Look, I'm right in the middle of something here, can you call me back in about an hour?"

Then, for the heinous crime of not dropping everything and letting my ceiling collapse to have a chat with my brother, he just let loose with a torrent of abuse. How dare I not drop everything to talk to him? Didn't I know how expensive the call was?

When he started in on how Sunny was a 'Fat fucking whore' and how I should 'go pull her off the family pigs', I hung up on him and haven't spoken to him since. That's my brother. Charming, friendly and the nicest guy you'll ever meet, right up until the very second he doesn't get his own way or you're not willing to bend over backwards to save him a few second's hassle.

Yeah, he called my wife a 'fat fucking whore' because I asked him to call me back. That's the kind of person I'm talking about.

Now, the thing that really pisses me off is that ever since I broke off contact with him, every few months my parents and other family members bring up the subject of how we should really make up and be friends again.

Why does this piss me off?

Because my brother is a sociopathic asshole. He's quite simply the worst human being that I know. He made my life a fucking misery growing up, screwed me over, stole cash from me, gave my things to his friends…I could go on for hours.

Let's just say that in the 23 years we lived under the same roof I can't think of a single nice thing he did for me just for the hell of it, just because we were brothers. He screwed me over more times than I can count though…either because it was beneficial to him, or just because he thought it was funny.

What I have a problem with is that my entire family act like the only reason my brother and I aren't the best of friends is because of me. He wants to 'patch things up', but I'm just being stubborn. No-one's asking him why he was such an evil piece of shit to me. No one's suggesting that he's reaping what he's sown. Everyone's bitching at me to 'give him another chance'.

What they don't realize is that the situation is really like this: I've already given him a million chances.

Think of it like this. If someone punched you in the face every single day, but said 'Sorry, let's be friends again!' after they did it…how would you feel if after years of this you finally told the face puncher to go fuck himself, and everyone got mad at you for not accepting his apology?

That's my current relationship with my brother. I've been burned so many goddamned times I've just decided to stop putting my hand into the fire. Why should I let my brother back into my life when I know for a goddamned fact that he'll be nice as pie to me for a few weeks and then he'll go straight back to being an asshole?

Long story short, my brother is a person who has treated me like shit for my entire life. I already have enough stress in my life as it is.

My parents would say I should forgive him just because 'he's my brother'…but as far as I'm concerned, 'Brother' is a job description, not a title…and my brother has never actually been a brother to me. He was just a selfish, self-centered, sociopathic asshole that I shared house space with during my childhood.


Woman atop her Soapbox said...

You've got one too? I haven't seen my brother in almost 6 years when he held the final grudge against my family and lumped all of us together. Me being blamed for things I had absolutely nothing to do with.

Plain and simple answer for your family... No.

I totally understand.


Anonymous said...

I am with you! You are right and I can't believe your family does not see this side of him. or are they the continual saps who put up with his crap?

Family is who you are born into, but no one says you have to hangout with them as adults.


Evan 08 said...

I've got an crappy brother too. He never calls unless he needs a favor, he's an absolute asshole to my mom, and he didn't even make it to my wedding. I'm open to rebuilding a relationship with the guy, but shit he just doesn't put forth the effort. So I don't either.