Monday, February 09, 2009


Ok, this was something I just couldn't resist commenting on.

For some reason, this generation of games consoles has created the biggest 'fanboy war' I've ever seen. As for what's causing it, I'm pretty sure that it comes down to nothing more than price.

Basically, back in the 90's you could buy a Nintendo or a Sega for around a hundred dollars each, meaning it wasn't completely outside of the realms of possibility that you might own both. However, at the beginning of this console cycle, kids had a hard enough time convincing their parents to part with anywhere from five to eight hundred dollars for one console, never mind shelling out for all three. Even someone like me, a lifelong gamer, has a hard time justifying the need for all three consoles when back at release I could have got a decent used car for the same price.

Anyway, here's all you need to know about the fanboys. There isn't a single one of them that wouldn't snap your hand off at the wrist if you offered them the console they don't own for free. Basically, the same guy whose Xbox Live gamertag is 'Kill Playstation!!!", the same guy who spends eight hours a day filling forums with posts about how the PS3 is about as desirable as a sack full of sloppy dogshit would wade through a lake of hip-deep pus for a free PS3.

However, until they can actually afford that console, they need to believe that the one they own is superior in every way, and that the other guy's console is a piece of crap that only a lunatic would own.

Unfortunately, this leads to stupidity and lunacy on a massive scale.

For example, Killzone 2 came out recently for the PS3, and it pretty much set the internet on fire.

To cast this in sharp relief, the G4 forums exploded over Adam Sessler's review of Killzone 2 with people calling Sessler biased, even going so far as to accuse him of taking bribes from Microsoft to give Killzone 2 a bad review…and here's the kicker…he awarded Killzone a 5 out of 5 rating! That's right. The Sony fanboys went ballistic at a game reviewer who gave their game a perfect score.

That's the fanboy mindset. A normal person hearing a reviewer mention that a game doesn't have co-op multiplayer will hear that and think "Hmm, that's informative and something that, as a consumer, I might want to know." A fanboy hears that same thing and decides Microsoft has paid off the reviewer to discourage people from buying an obviously perfect game.

Unfortunately, the fanboy war was made worse by the PS3 having such a crappy launch. It came out over a year after the Xbox360, cost almost twice as much…and there's been very little in the way of games that justify the price difference. So basically, the Sony fanboys put all their eggs in the Killzone basket. If the game was perfect, it justified their decision.

Oh, and before I get accused of being biased myself, when it comes to fanboys, the 360 crowd are just as bad.

You see, I haven't played Killzone 2, so I can't comment on the quality of the game…but for every rabid Sony fanboy calling Killzone the world's most perfect game and 'unleashing the fury' on any reviewer with the sheer audacity to give it less than a perfect score (or in Sessler's case, a perfect score but a review that consisted of more than mindless praise)…there's a 360 fanboy calling Killzone a pile of shit that isn't even worth a one out of ten.

To all these people, I suggest one course of action.

Grow the fuck up.

I mean, you've bought a piece of consumer electronics, not joined an army. You know what? I own a 360, but I'd love a PS3. I've bought a number of 360 exclusives, and you know what? I didn't feel the need to ignore all their faults and proclaim them perfect just to piss off PS3 owners. (For example, I thought Fable 2 was average). I can look at games like Little Big Planet and think "That looks really cool" instead of spending the day on the forum going into detail about how a critically acclaimed best-selling game that I've never played is actually a big pile of shit because it's not coming out for my console…Oh, and the very real possibility of my console getting the red ring of death and turning into a paperweight? Yeah, that's a fucking problem, not an example of how good Microsoft customer support is because they'll replace it at no charge.

Look in the mirror, you gigantic smack-tards. When you accuse reviewers of bias and under the table deals when they give the game you like a perfect score, you must realize how downright batshit-crazy you look.

Whether you've bought a 360, a PS3, a Wii, a Mac, iPod or Zune…you haven't joined a 'community'. There's no 'Us vs. Them'…you've just bought a gadget, and as with all gadgets, the one you have is going to be better in some ways and worse in others than the competing gadget.


Evan 08 said...

Amen, brother. Sing it! Word!

Sorry. Did I sound a little too much like a Paulius fanboy?

Paulius said...

Being a Paulius fanboy is totally awesome.

It's the exception that proves the rule.