Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Clown Car

Sunny and I were doing a lot of driving around today, and at one point I found myself waiting in the car while she ran into a store on a quick errand.

As I was sitting there, listening to Adam and Joe on BBC6 Music, it pulled up along side me.

Let's just say The Fast and the Furious has a lot to answer for.

On the one hand, I can understand the appeal of modifying and souping up an ordinary road car, but some people just go way too far. They get to the point where their car looks absolutely ridiculous...but this time around, I'm not actually talking about a car...I'm talking about a truck.

It was a Dodge Ram. It's owner had decided to go for subtlety and had painted it bright scarlet with silver metallic flames painted down the sides. It stood on tires that looked like they came off a 747, only with gigantic chrome rims that were, of course, spinners.

Believe it or not, as bad as that sounds, that wasn't what made me laugh so hard that my Pepsi came out of my nose.

This gigantic monster-truck wannabe had a freaking spoiler.

Let the ridiculousness of that marinade for a second, before I tell you exactly what it looked like, making your idea seem quite tasteful.

Ok, picture the truck I've just described. Now picture it with a scarlet and chrome park bench bolted to it's roof. I'm not exaggerating. The damn thing was easily two feet tall.

With things like this, it's not just the looks that get me. I mean, this guy was driving around obviously thinking he looks like 'The Shit', when in reality he just looked 'like shit'. However, he's fitted a spoiler to a fucking truck. The whole point of a spoiler is to provide downforce to improve grip and aerodynamics.

You see, putting a spoiler on a high-performance sportscar will improve the handling. His truck, especially with the 747 wheels, had all the aerodynamic qualities of a brick. Slapping a park bench on the roof isn't going to do a damn thing. Fair enough, most spoilers on road cars are there for looks rather than handling...but did I mention that this one looked like a park bench?

Seriously, it looked like the bastard offspring of a monster truck and fire engine that was wearing a chrome park bench for a hat.

Seriously, kids, when someone tries to sell you a spoiler that looks like a park bench, just say no.

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