Friday, December 21, 2007

Stoopid People.

Totally random, but this memory popped into my head out of nowhere, so I thought I'd share.

I used to work as a bartender.

One day a group of smacktards walk into the bar and ask me for a 'Turbo Shandy'. Now, a 'shandy' is just half beer, half lemonade in a glass. I have no idea what the hell a 'turbo' shandy is, and tell them so.

I get a superior smirk back, along with multiple exclamations of disbelief that I don't know what a 'turbo shandy' is. Bear in mind, at this point I'd been bartending for about three years. Finally, they decide to let me in on the secret. A 'Turbo Shandy' is half beer, half hard lemonade.

Long story short, I sell them bottles of Smirnoff Ice and Budweiser to mix themselves. They choose to stay around the bar, and pretty soon it becomes obvious that although each and every one of them were drinking their 'Turbo Shandys', very few of them liked the taste.

So I ask them:

"Why are you drinking that shit if you don't like it? Why not just drink a regular beer?"
"It gets you drunker quicker." comes the reply.

Now, as a bartender, I'd heard all the myths about what gets you drunk quicker. Drinking through a straw, sipping versus gulping, you name it. It's all bullshit. So I ask him why he thinks it gets you drunker quicker.

"Duh!" He says, looking at me like I was dumb as a sack of hammers. "The beer's 5%, the Smirnoff's this drink is 10%"

I laughed so hard I nearly shit my pants.

I actually spent a few minutes trying to explain that if you mix one 5% alcohol drink with another 5% alcohol end up with a 5% alcohol drink.

"Think about it." I said. "If that was true, you could just mix two beers and that would be 10%"

Rather than understand the concept, I saw a grin break on one of their faces. Can you guess what their next round was?

Yup, they all ordered two bottles of Budweiser, mixed them in a pint glass and congratulated themselves.



OzzyC said...

Why do I suspect that they failed at chemistry?

Saffyre said...

It really doesn't say much about the intelligence level in this country does it? *sigh*

Enigma said...


You have GOT to be kidding!

delmer said...

A friend of ours once said he only played the lottery when it was 15 million or better. He went on to say that it was a lot harder to win then, because more people were playing.

He did not mean it was more likely that he'd have to split a jackpot ... he meant the challenge was greater.

We, one of us who had gotten very good grades in college and the other (me) who just had a lot of common sense, explained that the odds of him winning were something like 10-million to one regardless of how many people played.

marie said...

so what would be the percentage of alcohol in a whole pitcher of beer? :)