Picture the scene. I’m sitting in front of my computer playing WoW, when right in the middle of a major boss fight, I find myself back at the desktop:
WindowsXP : OMGWTFBBQ!!!! Dude, there’s like this major security hole that needs to be fixed! You have to download this update right now!!!
Me : You mother f**ker... It’ll have to wait.
So I get WoW back up to find that after fighting my way through an difficult instance for an hour, I’m now dead, as is half the party.
WoW Players : Paulius, wtf?
Me : Sorry, comp crapped out. Stupid auto updates.
WoW Players : Yeah, I hate it when that shit happens.
Me : I know, I say I don’t want auto updates so I won’t get disturbed, but it still disturbs me to tell me there’s an update.
WoW Players : Yeah. Oh, you missed the roll for the boss’s helm, Magdeline got it.
Me : Shit, that’s the only reason I did this instance.
Suddenly, amidst much hard-drive grinding, I find myself back at the desktop.
WindowsXP : Dude, you mustn’t have heard me the first time. There’s a major freaking security hole here that needs fixing!
Me : There’s always a freaking security hole! There’s a new one every week!
WindowsXP : But this is urgent!
Me : So there’s been a security hole in XP since it came out, but because you’ve discovered it now, years later, it’s suddenly urgent?
WindowsXP : YES! You finally get it.
Me : Piss off, I’ll download it later.
I click, and after 30 seconds of yet more hard-drive grinding, I’m back in Azeroth.
WoW Players : Paulius, you still not rezzed yet?
Me : No, comp keeps crapping out. I think my PC needs some Ritalin or at least a damn good kicking.
WoW Players : Well, get your ass in gear. We’re gonna do another run, Uldaman this time.
Me : Cool, I have 3 quests there. Go ahead, I’ll catch a gryphon from Southshore and meet you there.
Black screen….hard drive grinding….45 seconds of frozen desktop.
WindowsXP : OMG dude! You’re not listening! You need to do this nooooooowwww!!!
Me : Oh for f**k’s sake.
Click….black screen….hard drive grinding…WoW music loops for 45 seconds.
Me : Hey, my comp’s screwing up again, just go in without me, I’ll try and catch up.
WoW Players : Well, hurry, this is gonna get ugly without a tank.
Me : Will do.
Click….black screen….grinding….looped music…frozen desktop.
Me : Ok, download your f**king update.
WindowsXP : Finally! You don’t take security very seriously do you?
Me : Yes I do, it’s Microsoft that doesn’t.
WindowsXP : Ok, downloading now, you can continue working while I do this.
Me : Fine
Click…black screen….grinding….looped music….frozen desktop….frozen WoW.
Me : Ok, I’m on my way.
WoW Players : Ok, how long you gonna be?
Me : I just got on the gryphon, It’s about a five minute flight, then I gotta ride there from Thelsamar…about ten minutes.
WoW Players : Ok, we’re moving pretty slow with no tank, so you’ll get here in time before we get to the first boss.
Black screen…..grinding….looped music…frozen WoW….frozen desktop….
Windows XP : Just letting you know, I’m downloading and things are going great.
Me : You interrupt me when something’s wrong, then you interrupt me to tell me everything’s ok. At least the latter doesn’t happen very often. I hate you Windows XP. I hate you like the Wrath of Kings and the pure unbridled burning hatred of a thousand suns. I hope you die.
WindowsXP : Hey, this isn’t annoying, it’s a feature.
Me : Go f**k your mother.
Click…yadda, yadda, yadda….
Me : Great, now I’ve been eaten by wolves.
WoW Players : Where are you?
Me : Running back to my body from the graveyard.
WoW : You’re dead? How did that happen?
Me : Windows…f**king…XP
WoW Players : Lol, say no more.
Black screen….usual crap.
WindowsXP : Ok, all done and installed! Would you like to restart your computer now?
Me : No, I’m busy.
Click…blah blah blah
Me : Ok guys, just got inside the instance…catching up now.
Black screen…getting very annoyed…want to kill someone…Bill Gates is a Douche…
WindowsXP : Do you want to restart now?
Me : NO! I just said I’ll do it later.
WindowsXP : Ok, I’ll check back in another five minutes.
Me : No, don’t. Leave me alone until I tell you.
WindowsXP : Well, ok…but I’ll check back in five minutes to see if you’ve changed your mind about me checking back.
Me : How about you leave me alone until I specifically tell you to reboot.
WindowsXP : Sigh…ok.
Click…more loading…taking ages…want to throw monitor through window.
Me : Hey guys, what did I miss?
WoW Players : Magdeline got the epic sword, Talon got the epic boots and I got this nifty lockbox filled with gems!
Me : Sigh…any decent loot left in this dungeon?
WoW Players : Well, this next guy has a great set of gauntlets, you can have them.
Me : Cool.
Halfway through the fight….black screen…want to scream…gonna kill someone…find Bill Gates and feed my entire computer to him.
WindowsXP : Listen, I’ve been thinking…
Me : What in the blue f**k could you possibly want now?!? You’ve just killed me, half my party and lost me my chance at that loot!!
WindowsXP : I want to talk about our relationship. You’re not very sensitive to my needs.
Me : What about my need to not get disturbed every five seconds?!
WindowsXP : Well, it’s like this…I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few minutes, and…well…I just have to ask….
Me : What?!?!?!?
WindowsXP : Do you want to reboot now?
3 comments:
yeah, i didn't know I could turn that feature off, and the other night while I was burning a movie, my computer restarted itself...... needless to say,.. i have a useless dvd that has half the information needed to burn, and I cant finish the project....
I hate windows XP - but Vista really sucks. It's the scourge of the computer world. So much so that when i visit the US at xmas, i'm buying myself an apple laptop!
F***ing windows....Grrrr!!
Although, it must be said, this post made me laugh out loud. Not just a 'lol' but a genuine 'guffaw'
was very well written indeed ........that shit happens all the time.....check out my blog for inspirational stuff...abt indian culture
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