Thursday, October 12, 2006

What's It Like Over There?

Sometimes I wish I could get by on that fact that here in America I’m somewhat ‘exotic’.

Today I went and registered with a couple of Temp agencies. Now I have my Greencard, and can get my Drivers Licence…it’s actually worth it.

So I walked into the place, walked up to the window.

“Excuse me.” I said. “Can I fill out an application please?”

She looked at me quizzically.

“I need two forms of ID.” She said.

So I handed her my Greencard and British Drivers Licence…she looked them over, before handing them back.

“So where are you from?” She asked.

(Observation One. Right in the middle of my Greencard, in bold letters is ‘Country of Origin : United Kingdom’…My Drivers licence also has ‘United Kingdom’ written on it. Why does she need to see ID if she’s not even looking at it? I could have handed her a card that listed my name as ‘Osama Bin Laden’ and occupation as ‘Worlds Most Wanted Terrorist’, and she wouldn’t have noticed.)

This is usually the part of the conversation where I start to feel like Biff . The same questions over and over. “What’s England like?” “Is it different to here?” “Do you have computers/cars/flushing toilets?”

So after 10 minutes of culture comparision…(Yes, I have seen Friends)…

Anyway, I sit down and start to fill out the forms. To my horror, there’s a Math Test on there.

(Random Paulius Fact #324 : I’m crap at math. I mean, I can do algebra, trigonometry and all that complicated stuff, but the bad part is my brain just can’t get around the concept of numbers. I think I have a mild case of numerical dyslexia (if there is such a thing). Essentially, the only way I can do math is to see numbers as shapes. Shapes that fit together, and make new shapes that represent new numbers.

This is easy for ‘round’ numbers…but when I have to divide 8763 by 38…I might as well be trying to explain Einstein’s Theory of Relativity to a gerbil.)

So, anyway, I do my best. I consider writing the answer to the ones I can’t get my head around as “Start, Accessories, Calculator”, but think better of it.

Most of it is fairly easy…but I leave a couple unanswered…for the simple reason I’d be working at it for a couple of hours and probably end up with the wrong answers anyway.

I still have a problem though. The form has a huge list of skills that you tick off the ones you have experience in. My problem is that they’re all manufacturing skills. So I’ve not ticked any.

I go back to the window, and this time a different girl comes to collect my forms. I say:

“I’ve not ticked off any skills, I’m qualified for Office and Admin work, and I didn’t see any on there. Do you have a different form for that or something?”

She looked at me for a second and said:

“I like the way you talk.”

“Ummm… ok?” I replied. “But do you have a different form?”

“Where are you from?” She asked, completely ignoring my question.

“(Sigh) England.”

“Oh? Is it nice there?”

So you see, if I could get work over here based on the fact that I have an accent…I’d be rolling in the money.


MC Etcher said...

I think "United Kingdom" probably throws people with no knowledge of geography - 'The United Kingdom of what?'

I'm crap at math too. When I have kids, I'm going to make damn sure they have a tutor early on, because I'm not going to be any help with their math homework beyond like Grade 4.

Hmn, a job where your accent come in handy... phone sex? Would Sunny allow you to have such a job?

Manda said...

LOL Phone Sex would be a hot job there lol.

Well, my dad used to be good at Math, then i started having problems, and he's like what's this?... So I'm better at math than anyone in my family... sadly.. I still use my fingers and cant tell percents for a damn.

Yeah remember the conversation we had the other day about where you're from and what the hell the UK is VS. Britain and England

Sunny said...

LOL Funny you should ask MC-

HELL NO she wouldn't ALLOW him
....however, since he IS a GROWN man and fully capable of making his own decisions about HIS life- it would be totally up to him and i wouldn't hold it against him if he DID decide to do it.

Let me say for the record that I wouldn't want him to do it BUT if he decided to do it I would NOT want to know about it- EVER!

Don't ever clear your conscience by telling someone something they don't want to hear about.

And that's all I've got to say about that.............

visa said...

We will have every Hizbollah women fucked by dogs.
We will send Phallus of ours into ass of All priests moslems.
We will have Khamenei and Rafsanjani and Ahmadinejad and Khatami and Akbar Ganji fucked by a great penis Of donkey and whale .
We will fuck all foreign government which help mullah.
کیر سگ تو کس ننه سید اولاد پیغمبر و کس ننه خود پیامبر اسلام.
کیر خوک تو کس ننه امام حسین.
کیر خر تو کس ننه شیعیان.
صلوات: الله و کیر خر تو کس ننه محمد و آل محمد.
This is a beautiful cultural message for you.