Tuesday, October 17, 2006

"Oh Yeah?"

Everyone has that one story.

I call it the conversation stop-starter, because no matter what the topic of conversation, everyone instantly shuts up, then just has to ask for the details.

It’s the ultimate in one-upmanship. Someone tells you their outrageous story, and you turn to them, and say “Oh yeah? Well, I once did this…

So, today, I’m issuing a challenge to all my blogger buddies out there (You know who you are). I want to hear your outrageous ‘conversation stop-starter’ stories. I can’t offer a prize or anything, but the winner gets bragging rights.

As an example of what I mean, I’ll tell you mine.

Ok, imagine we’re at a dinner party. Someone’s just told their wacky tale of the time they got stuck on the side of a mountain with a goat named Pedro. With the manner of someone laying down an ace, I look at them and say:

“Oh yeah? Well, once, I got pissed on by an Albino Tiger.”

(See what I mean? You just have to know the details…and getting pissed on by a tiger is interesting enough, but the fact it was an albino tiger pushes it right over the edge.)

Ok, here’s the actual story.

During my first visit to the USA, Sunny took me to the Greenville Zoo. I was starting to get bored. It was almost 100 degrees and most of the animals where either hiding or sleeping.

So I walked up to the tiger cage. The notice said that this was a very special tiger, as it was a rare Albino from somewhere I can’t remember.

The cage consisted of a chain-link fence, with a chest high fence about 5 feet away from that.

The tiger was sleeping, like most of the other animals.

However, as I walked up to the fence, the tiger lifted it’s head, looked around as though it was extremely bored…but then it looked at me, and it’s eyes just locked with mine. (As an aside, when a gigantic tiger is staring you down, that cage starts to look awfully flimsy.)

It stood up and started pacing it’s cage, never breaking eye contact with me. It started to edge closer and closer to the front of the cage, until it stood, less than 5 feet away from me…just staring.

I started to fumble for my camera, as it was a great shot.

It was at this point, as I raised my camera, that the tiger turned its back on me, started to walk away…before suddenly backing up and covering me with a fine spray of urine.

Ok, I know this story might be a little disappointing after the build up, with it happening in a zoo and all…but honestly, how many people can say they’ve been pissed on by a rare albino tiger?

I look forward to reading all your stories.


mistyforeverlost said...

uuummm...uuuh...welll...Think I will go and comment on the "two P's on line at once" post ;O)

The Girl said...

I thought of one right away.

"My date was a convicted felon."

Met a guy who seemed nice enough. Agreed to meet a 2nd time. During the week between meetings, he had shaved his head into a mohawk.

When we sat down, he took off his jacket and was covered in tattoos. He told me he did a lot of them himself.

"Oh, where did you learn to do tattoos?" I ask. His answer, "Prison." I try to remain calm. "And why were you in prison?" He nonchalantly answers "For armed robbery."

Ah, end of date!


MC Etcher said...

Sigh. I have no such story! It makes me think of that US Navy commercial from a few years ago:

"If there was a biography about your life, would anyone want to read it? No? Join the Navy, or kill yourself. Your choice."