The 9.50 Train From South Carolina is Delayed Due To Kitten

Many of you may have noticed that this update is a little late. Let me explain why.

Yesterday, I sat down at the computer to type. As it was over 95 degrees in this room, I was wearing a pair of shorts, and no shirt. 200 words in, Padme, the new kitten, got interested in what I was doing.

Did she jump onto the bed, and from the bed jump onto the desk? Did she curl up at my feet and meow until I picked her up?

No.

She decided the easiest route to the desktop was a direct climb up my bare back. She pounced, and began her climb suspending her entire weight on 8 hypodermic needle-like claws. Can you imagine how much that hurt? Imagine sitting at your computer, right now, reading away, not expecting a thing, then BAM! Kitty claws raking your back.

After I finished crying, I composed myself and continued typing.

Suddenly, Padme reappears on the desk. “Awww, how cute!” I think. The cuteness factor stopped me questioning how she got up there in the first place…and why she didn’t chose that route the first time. She playfully attacks her own tail, falls over, and just blinks at me.

I go back to typing, she heads around the back of the computer. She spots something and pounces. The computer resets.

After I finish screaming, I compose myself, reboot the computer and start over.

2000 words later, I finish the post. A post I am particularly proud of. Maybe even the greatest thing I’ve ever written. I turn on the spell check, and seeing as my lightning fast 26k connection takes a million years run it, I head to the kitchen for Pepsi.

“What a post!” I think. “Can’t wait to read all the comments and see my traffic soar!”

I arrive back in the living room to find Padme break dancing on the keyboard. I mean, really going for it. Back flips, spins, the works. It would have been funny if I didn’t see the screen filling up with ‘agbngrghbrogrgrngorgnhrieog’

Her foot catches the mouse, the cursor moves outside the text input area, and she clicks it in the same motion. I dive for the computer, just as her back paw strikes the backspace key.

The computer savvy among you will know what happens when you hit the backspace key on a webpage.

Bink! I end up in the blogger dashboard.

After I finished crying, I compose myself and sit at the keyboard.

I click forward.

Slowly (extremely slowly, the 26k connection, mixed with pure dread will do that to time. Albert Einstein can stick his theory of relativity up his backside…time doesn’t slow down the faster you go…time slows down, the more you want it to speed up.)

Finally, I’m back at the ‘create post’ page.

Everything I’d written had gone.

After I finished cry, screaming, and finding it impossible to compose myself, I turned off the computer, and started to wonder how fried cat would taste.

Of course, Padme has the cuteness factor, the cuteness factor that makes it impossible to knowingly punish her. That’s the problem with kittens and puppies, there are times when you want to kick their little puppy and kitty asses, but there is no way in hell you can bring yourself to do it. It’d be like punching a baby in the face for waking you up.

So rather than try and re-capture yesterday’s post, I’ll save it for sometime in the week.

Today, I leave you with a question:

Cute playful kitten, unknowingly wreaking havoc? Or Darth Furball?

God I hope I haven’t acquired another pet that is trying to kill me. If it turns out that way, I’m having my dog, Jake, the Border Collie, flown over from England…He’ll sort em all out.

PS All the fish are dead…serves the bastards right.