Thursday, September 03, 2009

Observations from today:

  1. Grocery Store Assholes

Here's the deal. When I'm at the checkout and I'm loading my stuff onto the conveyor belt, if you're behind me, you may start putting your own groceries on the conveyor only when I have finished loading mine. Why? Because it's really fucking annoying when I've put just a few items on the conveyor, then you come along, slap down a divider and leave me with about 16 inches of space to put down a buggy full of groceries.

Then I have spend three times as long alternating between loading my groceries onto the conveyor and pushing yours back…usually while you stand there looking at me like I'm the one holding everyone up.

I get it. You're busy, you're important, you're in a rush…but tough shit, I was there before you. Wait your turn, asshole.

I swear that if I see you put down the little divider before I've emptied my buggy, I will personally take it off the conveyor and beat you about the head with it until you learn to stop being such an inconsiderate ass-clown.

Secondly, if you have a buggy full of groceries and someone joins the line behind you with a single item in their hands, for fuck's sake, let them go ahead of you. They can either keep you waiting for an extra five seconds or you can keep them waiting for ten minutes. Don't be an asshole.

  1. Pharmacists.

You know what? Fuck pharmacists. I have never met a more deluded group of self-important idiots in my entire life. They wear their white coats like they're doctors or something, talk down to people like they're geniuses having to deal with retarded children…and their job is nothing more than taking pills from big bottles and putting them in smaller bottles.

You know what another name for pharmacist is? Stock boy. Oh sure, you like to say that you actually know about the medications and what meds react badly with another, but all you're doing is reading info off a computer screen.

So, wear your white coat and prance around, I mean, you're practically a doctor, right? Keep telling yourself that. The rest of the world knows you're really just a google-using stock boy playing dress-up with a real professional's white coat.

  1. Cell-phone Douchebags

I can't believe that I actually have to mention this one, but here's the thing.

If you're at the head of any sort of line that requires interaction with someone, such as at a gas station, and there's a line behind you… this is not the time to accept or make a cell-phone call. Fucking twice today I was waiting in line when some asshole decided to answer their phone and just stand there and talk while the person behind the counter waited for them to swipe their card. No, honestly, that's ok. The nine people behind you are more than happy to wait while you have a nice chat instead of paying for your shit or answering the counter-guy's questions.

If I ever come to power, I'm going to make it perfectly legal to shove a person's cell phone right up their ass if they pull shit like this. It will also be perfectly legal to beat that person to death if they call you rude for interrupting their phone call to hurry them up.

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