Thursday, June 12, 2008

OH NOES!

There are certain times in your life when you just have to stop lying to yourself.

You know, the day when you catch your reflection in a store window and realize your 50” waist actually doesn’t mean that you’re just ‘big boned’.

I had a moment like that today. Not about being fat. I’ve known that I’m a ‘bat fastard’ for years. No, my moment was when I finally accepted my true geekdom.

You see, I’ve always liked computers, gaming, science and the usual ‘geek pastimes’…but I’ve never considered myself a real geek. I’m just a normal guy who just happens to like watching Star Trek. The ‘real’ geeks are the ones who’ve never had a girlfriend, own their own Klingon costume and spend their weekends hitting each other with foam swords while ‘larping’.

The something happened today that changed all that.

I’d been watching ‘The Incredibles’ on DVD and decided to watch all the bonus features on the other disc.

There was small 10 minute ‘featurette’ about the voice actor who did Violet’s voice for the movie. I watched it intently, right up to the point she started talking about being excited about finally getting her own action figure.

Then the moment arrived. She tore off the wrapping paper, said “Wooooowwww!” as she saw the action figure and then…

“You stupid bitch!” I heard myself say.

“What?” said Sunny from behind the computer.

“She just took an absolute mint-condition action figure and took it out of the original packaging!”

“And?” asked Sunny, looking bewildered.

“Have you any idea what that does to the value???” I said, my voice filled with indignant self-righteousness. “You know mostly kids are gonna buy those, play with them and destroy them. It’s a PIXAR movie…every movie they make is a huge technological step forward. That thing would quadruple its value in ten years.”

“But maybe she just wants to play with it.” Says Sunny.

“Gahh!” I exclaimed. “Don’t you get it? She’s the voice actor who played Violet…she played Violet! That’s her retirement plan she’s just destroyed!”

“How so?” Said Sunny.

“Well, in her place, I’d get a sharpie, sign the back of the box and make sure to never sign another one. That means in 20 years, not only would I own one of the very few mint condition “Incredibles’ action figures…I’d own the only mint-condition Violet action figure signed by the actor who voiced her. That makes it not only rare, but unique. That’s gotta be worth at least a few grand! In fifty years that would be like owning an original Darth Vader figure signed by James Earl Jones!”

“You’re a geek, you know that?” Said Sunny.

“No I’m not!” I retorted. “I’m just…

Holy shit…

I am!”

6 comments:

Kelly said...

Paul....you are right, you ARE a geek!!!

Dauragon said...

Hahahaha!

Oh man I'm glad you have finally come to grips with your geekdom. It takes a long time for everyone. I pretty much face it whenever I go on some long tangent about things that no normal human would be interested in (Han Solo shot first goddammit!) whilst my g/f (who is a total geek herself) looks at me with a gaze that could only convey the thought of "dear god, I let THIS guy stick his junk inside of me!?".

Now if you could excuse me I must wipe dust off my Quentin Tarantino action figure.

OzzyC said...

Welcome to our humble ranks. I wear my geekiness as a badge of honor.

marie said...

I would have thought that day would have come when you bought yourself a light saber.

Sunny said...

Owwww- BURN!!!!

We're gonna have to start calling Marie Kelso.

Paulius said...

@ Marie:

Yes, I own a lightsaber. A hundred and fifty dollar lightsaber.

What stops me being a total geek there is that I took it out of the box and played with it.

If I'd truly gone over to the 'dork side' when I bought it, I would have vacuum sealed the box and stored it in a cool dry place where sunlight wouldn't fade the box.

There are many levels of geek-dom. I thought I was a five or six...turns out I'm probably a 9. (10 is reserved for 40 year old virgins and LARPers.)