First you gotta speed it up....

Every single person on this planet has at some time or another realized just what an absolute bitch time can be.

If you’ve only got an hour’s free time and a really good book to read, that hour goes by in what feels like minutes.

On the other hand, when you’re sitting in the ER waiting room with a really bad case of strep throat, that same hour feels like it lasts at least a week.

Now, if I know my schoolboy science, unless you’re traveling near the speed of light, time is constant. A minute takes a minute to pass no matter how good or bad of a time you’re having.

This means it has to have something to do with our brains.

The real kicker here is that our perception of time is incredibly effected by our age. Remember when you were seven years old and that six-week summer vacation from school lasted forever? Then do you remember reaching your mid-twenties and feeling like Christmas comes around every month?

Let’s turn that to our advantage!

So here’s the idea. In this day and age when we can take drugs (both prescription and non-prescription) that can fuck with every single one of our senses…why isn’t there a pill that affects our perception of time?

I mean, if I can be depressed and take a prescription pill that makes me feel happy, or be totally wound up and take a pill that makes me feel relaxed…why in the hell can’t I take a pill that can replicate what I like to call the “Theme-Park/Waiting Room effect”?

That’s right, I want two pills. One that makes my brain do whatever it does when time seems to speed up and another that makes my brain do whatever it does that makes time seem to slow down.

Think of the applications!

Crappy job? Take a Paulius-Patented ‘Temporality Caplet’ red pill and that working day will zoom by before you know it. Only get a week’s vacation from that crappy job? Take the blue version and that week feels like two months!

If this pill ever exists, just remember…I came up with the idea first!