Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Google for you Living Room

This might be the big one.

The idea that’s going to make me millions and allow me to live in the lap of luxury for the rest of my life.

Yesterday, I spent a whole hour and a half looking for my TV remote. I set it down, didn’t leave the room, but after checking my email, it had gone. No one else was in the room with me.

As TV remotes do, it had fallen silently off the arm of the chair, slipped between the pages of a magazine, and a sufficiently thick magazine, so that when I picked up the magazine, I didn’t feel the remote inside, or notice it at all.

Also, as TV remotes do, it only chose to reveal itself exactly one minute after I stopped looking.

Now, to me, this is the most frustrating thing in the world. If you’re looking for a particular item in your messy garage, you can deal with it. You can understand why you can’t find it.

The TV remote, on the other hand, has no business getting lost. You set it down, leave the room, and when you get back, it’s inexplicably vanished. You turn the room upside down for an hour, and it still fails to show itself.

How? Why? You just set it down! After all, you didn’t actually hide it or anything. It should be there in plain sight, the only problem is… it isn’t.

So I thought I’d write a super witty post about how they should make stealth bombers out of the same material they make remotes out of. I also wanted to know why my phone has a ‘locate’ button (you press a button on the base unit, and the handset bleeps), but my remote, a device more likely to go missing, a device that doesn’t regularly make noise, doesn’t.

Instead, I came up with a business plan.

Ever heard of an internet search engine?

Well, say hello to “English Paul’s HOME Search Engine”!

Next time you lose your TV remote, or can’t find that other shoe or the book you’ve been saving to read today, and you just know you’re in for a couple of hours of pure frustration, simply call your local branch of English Paul’s Home Search Engine, and state your search query. For example:

+”TV Remote” –“The one without the batteries in”

Within minutes, our highly trained professionals will arrive at your house, and while you enjoy a complimentary beverage, they’ll find the remote for you!

(We also guarantee that no-one will ask you “Where did you last have it?”, because we know that if you knew that, you’d know where it is.)

English Paul’s : Serving you better

English Paul’s is a subsidiary of Paulius Industries Inc.

1 comment:

MC Etcher said...

Ha ha! Good one. I'll buy one!