Too Much Time...

I really do have far too much time on my hands.

You see, when you spend a lot of time doing exactly dick with your time, you start to think…strange thoughts.

Today, for example, I started thinking about the Trousers of Time.

Confused yet?

Let me explain the Trousers of Time. This is based on an actual theory (a theory that involves things like quantum, quarks and gluons…something I don’t pretend to understand). Basically, some guy with lots of letters after his name discovered that certain particles are capable of being in two different places at once, can exist and not exist at the same time, and basically disobey all those funny little physical laws.

This crazy little particle, that should be imprisoned because of the number of laws it breaks on a daily basis, lead to the following theory: That everything that’s possible to happen actually happens, although in a different dimension or ‘reality’.

The easy way to explain this idea is that for every decision you make, every other possible decision is played out in another reality.

This is where the trousers come in.

Say a friend asks you if you want to go to McDonalds or Hardee’s. If you pick McDonalds, reality splits in two, and an alternate you goes to Hardees.

In other words, you go down one leg of the trousers of time, but an alternate you goes down the other leg.

This isn’t a new idea; it’s been used in movies and TV. You know the ones. Guy falls through a swirly-whirly, wibbly-wobbly hole in space, and suddenly finds himself in a reality where Hitler won WW2, or ants are the dominant life form on Earth.

Get it, yet?

However, if you think about it, a billion decisions are made every day. Do you go to the bathroom now, or wait for the commercial break? Do you shift position slightly in your seat, or stay as you are? Also, it’s not just actual decisions that send you down one trouser-leg of time, it’s every possibility that…uh…possible.

In other words, if this theory is true, there’s a world out there, that the only difference from this one, is that a guy in Hull managed to pick up 2014 granules of sugar with his coffee spoon instead of 2013.

Basically, the movies got it wrong. If this theory is true, and we assume that the realities closest to our own resemble our reality the most closely, and the further you get away, the bigger the changes…you’d have to travel through an almost infinite number of realities to get to one where you’d actually notice any difference.

The other big thing is that the chances of life appearing on Earth are so infinitesimally small, most of these realities would have the Earth completely life free.

Here’s the big question, though. If you could travel to a different reality, and meet an alternate you, would you want to?

You see, trying my best not to sound like Doc Brown from ‘Back to the Future’, the smallest decisions can have absolutely gargantuan consequences.

Take me for example. I can trace my meeting my wife and moving to the USA back to one simple decision. I bought a pair of cheap shoes.

You see, I bought a pair of cheapo shoes for work. I was all set to finish work (I worked in a bar at the time), then head out on the town with one of my best mates. Fortunately, I mis-stepped, and half tore the sole off one of my shoes.

I didn’t have another pair of dress shoes, so I just went home instead of going out. I sat in front of the computer, and was searching through the tech-support forums on the internet when I saw a message that basically said: “Just got my first computer, and I need help!”

Being a nice guy, I offered my help…and the person who sent that SOS was my future wife.

If I hadn’t bought those crappy shoes, the sole wouldn’t have torn off, I’d have gone out, never seen that post on the message board, and would never have met Sunny.

Weird, huh?

Basically, anything is possible, and the trousers of time theory means that literally everything has happened. In one reality I’m the President of the World, and in another, I’m a crack addict who lives under a bridge.

How would you react if you met another you that was impossibly successful? Or a you that’s an impossibly evil mass-murderer?

Personally, I don’t think I could spend any time around myself.

I’d get right on my tits.

Anyway, I'll take this opportunity to introduce some new cast members to 'Life'. What do you think, Indifferent Kitten, Always Shocked Cat and Politically Incorrect Hamster?