Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Paulius Industries Inc. Press Release

Paulius Industries Inc, is pleased and proud to announce their new service, which has until now, been kept entirely secret.

We are pleased to announce that now the relevant patents have been obtained, we can now release the details of out new service, and finally put an end to the internet rumours or what this service may be.

This new service, Codenamed DMBLBIT (Pronounced Dimblebit), will be starting up almost immediately.

DMBLBIT, or ‘Does My Butt Look Big In This‘, is now available for all, for the low, low price of $10 per use of the service. We also have plans to offer yearly memberships for $200, or life time memberships for $500.

But what is DMBLBIT?

During minutes of in depth research, we discovered that the “Does my butt look big in this?” question is asked in over 87 trillion homes worldwide every single day.*

This question, our research also discovered is a source of major consternation. This is because:

a) Men hate this question, as there is no ‘right’ answer. To answer ‘Yes’ to this question can result in a brick to the side of the face, whereas a ‘no’ leaves you branded a liar.

b) Women want an honest answer, but also don’t want to have to go to the time and trouble of beating up their partners afterwards.

Here at Paulius Industries Inc. Our highly trained and skilled scientists** have discovered the solution to this problem, and this has led your caring friends here at Paulius Industries Inc. to start up the DMBLBIT service.

So, what does the DMBLBIT service entail?

Due to the wonders of the internet, and our recent acquisition of the latest, cutting edge technology***, we are offering the following.

The second your wife or girlfriend asks you this question, you simply hand her the provided membership card**** which has instructions on how to log into the service. Then she simply logs onto the DMBLBIT website, where she will receive a direct web-camera connection to one of our highly trained***** bachelors.

She will then ask the question, and will receive a direct, and truthful answer (although, a false answer can be arranged ahead of time, if the boyfriend or husband prefers it.)

So how is this different to answering the question yourself, and why is this worth your hard earned money?

The answer is simple.

1) Our bachelors are thousands of miles away from your partner, meaning they have no fear of incurring your partners wrath, resulting in an honest, frank answer each time.

2) If your partner receives an honest, but unflattering answer, her rage will be directed at us here at DMBLBIT, and not at yourself.

3) If your partner receives a welcome answer from us, it will be apparent to her that the answeree has no agenda, as his future conjugal privileges do not depend on your partner being happy, so she is much more likely to accept the answer as fact.

Paulius Industries Inc. Hopes you will enjoy this new groundbreaking service, and looks forward to your future custom.

* Statistics may be made up off the top of my head.
** Scientists may be hobos I forced into white coats, with clipboards superglued to their hands.
*** Cutting Edge technology, in this document, referrs to a $20 Walmart Webcam.
**** Training consists entirely of asking 'wanna tell women they've got fat asses for a living?'


Kato said...

Are you hiring?

MC Etcher said...

You'll be a millionaire in days!

Paulius said...

I'm starting to get this horrible feeling that this post, meant entirely in jest, will be stolen by someone, and it'll make them a millionaire.

Web-cam fashion opinions.

Oh well, it's my intellectual property, and I have if someone steals it...$$$ to me!

MC Etcher said...

Here's an idea - for the people who don't own their own webcam, lease them one for $20 a month!

OzzyC said...

I can lie over the internet just as well as anyone else. If it pays, I'm in.

At first I thought you may have gotten the idea for this from a word verification word ;)