Holiday Hijack!

Happy Guy Fawkes Day Everyone!!!

Ok, to my American readers, that’s going to take a little explaining. The usual reaction I get from my in-laws when I mention Guy Fawkes is, quite simply:

“Huh?”

Here’s the deal. A couple hundred years ago, a guy named Guy Fawkes attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament (That’s the British Senate), and kill everyone inside, IE, all the politicians and leaders.

He was caught in the act, before managing to light the fuse, and was imprisoned in the Tower of London, and then executed.

Yep, that’s right, we celebrate this every November 5th.

The funny part is that no one can agree whether this tradition is celebrating Guy Fawkes’ capture, or the actual assassination attempt (To many people, blowing up a room full of politicians is considered a good idea).

In short, Guy Fawkes night, or Bonfire Night as it’s more commonly known, is simply an excuse to light a big bonfire, set off fireworks and have an all night party.

(Also, right now, many Americans are finally getting why Dumbledore’s Phoenix is called ‘Fawkes’…Bonfire night, Phoenix, fire…see the connection?)

However, this year, I will not be celebrating Guy Fawkes night, for the simple fact that we can’t afford a buttload of fireworks. Also, not many people in my area would appreciate fireworks going off all night for ‘no reason’.

However, some of my new American in-laws have decided that Guy Fawkes night is a great idea. Not because of the booze-soaked fireworky goodness, but because no one here has ever heard of it, so they can make up the ‘requirements’ as they go along.

Here’s an actual conversation that took place today between me, Sunny and my daughter in law, Marie:

Sunny : I feel like something sweet.
Marie : Ooooh, yeah, me to.
Sunny : I wish I had some of those cookies left.
Marie : Yeah, but what I really want is some cheesecake!.

Ten minutes later…

Sunny : November the fifth, why does that ring a bell? It’s no-one’s birthday is it?
Marie : Not that I know of.
Sunny : Oh, that’s right. It’s Guy Fawkes tonight, isn’t it?
Marie : What’s that?
Me : (I Explain Guy Fawkes night.)
Marie : So it’s some sort of holiday?
Me : Yep.
Marie : So is it just fireworks and a bonfire?
Me :Yep
Marie : There’s no cheesecake involved? We couldn’t have, like, a Guy Fawkes cheesecake?
Sunny : That is an excellent idea.
Me : A Guy Fawkes Cheesecake? A Guy Fawkes frigging CHEESECAKE?!? While we’re at it, let’s have a Thanksgiving cucumber! I know the two of you aren’t attempting to bastardize a 350 hundred year old British tradition, just to have an excuse to get some cheesecake!
Sunny : Why not? Guy Fawkes Cheesecake! Great idea! We need one! Let’s go get one!
Me : You do realise this is like me taking a dump on the Alamo, and then wiping my ass on the stars and stripes…all for the sake of a desert that I want to justify?
Marie : Who cares, I want cheesecake!
Sunny : Me to,
Me : You people are unbelievable. You’re not getting any cheesecake!
Marie : Why not? It’s Guy Fawkes Night! It’s tradition!!!
Sunny : That’s right! It’s TRADITION!

Nothing like having one of your oldest traditions hijacked by two women, all for the sake of cheesecake.

It’s almost as bad as last July 4th, when my Step-son, forgetting I was there, decided to throw a firecracker while shouting “The British are coming! The British are coming!” (I didn’t care, I thought it was funny. He freaked out for a day or so, thinking he’d really offended me. God, I laughed when I heard he‘d asked Sunny if he should come over and apologise.)

Guy Fawkes cheesecake. A fine old tradition. Just like the traditional Christmas Burrito, The New Year’s Caesar Salad and the Thanksgiving Cucumber.

Oh, well, I guess it’s just payback for the number of times I’ve called my in laws ‘Ungrateful uppity colonials’, at every major American holiday since I’ve been here…