Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Adventures At Applebees

Sunny and I went out to eat today. I overheard the following at the table behind me:

“Excuse me, do your rolls have seeds?”

“No ma’am.”

“Then why does this picture in the menu show seeds on them?”

“That’s a burger bun ma’am, and only the weight-watchers buns have sesame seeds on them, all our other sandwiches, burgers and rolls come without.”

“Well, you see, I can’t eat seeds.”

“Well, like I said, all our rolls and sandwiches other than the weight watchers ones, come without seeds. If you want one of the weight watcher’s sandwiches, I can get you one without seeds.”

“Yeah, I’m allergic to seeds, if I eat one I’ll get sick.”


“If I eat even one seed I’ll have to go to the emergency room.”

“Well you won’t have to worry, you won’t get anything with seeds.”

“My throat closes up and I can’t breathe, I’d need a shot.”

“Ummm, well nothing we serve has seeds on it.”

“But you just said the weight-watcher’s sandwiches have seeds.”

“I know, but I can order you one without seeds.”

“You see, anything with seeds would make me really ill.”

“Ok…So you want a weight watchers sandwich? Which one did you want?”

“I don’t want a weight watchers sandwich.”

After about another five minutes of seed-talk, the stupid be-atch said:

“Hmmm, the chicken bacon ranch sandwich, what is that?”

It’s a chicken sandwich with ranch dressing and bacon you stupid bitch! I thought. The clue’s in the fucking name!

Bear in mind I was waiting for this same waitress to come take our order and after ‘The History Of My Seed Allergy’, I wasn’t in the mood to wait while she asked more stupid questions.

I mean, right there in the menu it gave a full description:

‘Chicken Bacon Ranch Sandwich. One whole crispy chicken breast on a bun with our famous buttermilk ranch dressing, lettuce, onion and tomato. All sandwiches served with fries and side-salad’

So, the waitress reeled off what was written in plain English in front of this dumbass customer.

“And what does that come with?”

Aaaargh!!! It’s written in the fricking menu you daft bitch! You’re looking right at it. How are you even allowed out on your own?

Basically, this customer was basically saying ‘Read the menu to me, I can’t be bothered.’

Finally she ordered. I put my menu on the edge of the table in anticipation… and just as the waitress started to walk away, I heard:

“Excuse me. What type of tomato comes on that sandwich?”

“Excuse me?”

“What type of tomato comes on that sandwich?”

“Errrr, sliced?”

“No, I mean what type?

“I don’t know, regular sliced tomatoes.”


“I could find out for you if you like?”

“Never mind, if I don’t like it, I’ll pick it off.” (she sounded so put out here).

“Ok ma’am, your order will be out shortly.”

Then, finally as the waitress walked away, the retard called after her:

“Oh! The Chicken bacon ranch sandwich doesn’t come with seeds, does it?”


Having worked in the service industry myself, people like that really piss me off. They’re not happy at any restaurant unless they find at least three things to bitch about, refuse to actually read a menu and are uber-finicky about their order.

Long story short, if you’re allergic to a hundred different things, will eat only imported Italian tomatoes, can’t eat bread with wheat in it and act like your waitress punched you in the face if she brings you a diet soda instead of regular…don’t go out to eat at Applebees.

If you act like this, let me let you in on a little secret. Your steak was spat on, wiped around the sink and sneezed on before it hit your table.

Also, if you think I’m wrong about these people, I worked in a place once where a customer sent back a beer because he said it was flat. I took the same beer, poured it into a new glass and took it back. He took a sip and said it was ‘much better’

It’s the same beer, dumbass!

For some reason these people think acting like a douche in a restaurant is somehow impressive. ‘Look at me, I sent back a steak! I’m awesome!”

Other noteworthy event of today:

We went to the second hand store to see if they had any good books. I found the following gem:

“How to get your point across in less than 30 seconds!”

Length of the book? 250 pages.

…how deliciously ironic.


Saffyre said...

Thanks for that. I needed a good chuckle!

amanda said...

I love your blogs too i was thinking,.. it's like a great movie.. one day it makes you cry.. one day you can't stop laughing your ass off.. then you hate the protaganist and etc.

...don't tomatoes have.. SEEDS