Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Abstinence Rocks!

Driver’s Ed Class



“Ok class, welcome to Driver’s Ed. All you need to know is that driving is incredibly dangerous, could kill you or leave you with a medical condition you’ll carry around with you for the rest of your life. Therefore, you should never drive ever. Class dismissed.”

“Errr, sir? I have some questions.”

“There’s no need for questions, I’ve explained everything you need to know. Don’t drive, ever. Write that down.”

“But…my older brother mentioned something about seatbelts? He said you should never drive unless you’re wearing one? I was also wondering what a seatbelt is and why they’re so important? Also, what’s an airbag? What side of the road should I drive on? Do red lights mean to stop or go?”

“Let me tell you something. Your brother is an evil, evil person who is trying to tempt you into driving. People who drive are terrible people with no morals or respect for human life. You don’t need to know about seatbelts or anything else to do with driving…other than that it’s incredibly dangerous and could kill you…because you should never drive. Haven’t I made that clear yet?”

“Yes sir.”

One hour later.

“Ok, come to the front, sign this “I Won’t Drive Until I’m 40 Because Then The Insurance Premiums Are Cheaper” pledge, which you’ll take seriously for about five minutes until one of your friends starts telling you about turbo chargers and power steering, then you can leave. Class dismissed.”

Staff Room



“Hey Bill, how did your Drivers Ed class go?”

“Hey Tom. Driver’s Ed was awesome. I get such a great feeling knowing I’m teaching those kids something important that could literally save their lives.”

“That’s great! Did you show them the pictures of all the car wrecks?”

“Yep, it’s great to know I’m making a difference.”

“You know, the other day I heard someone say that the way we teach drivers ed just gives kids the impression that driving is somehow mysterious and ‘forbidden’, something which will make teenagers just want to drive all the more…while at the same time ensuring they’ll experiment with driving on their own, without any guidance or knowledge, without using even the most basic of safety precautions because they don’t know about them.”

“Hell Tom, that’s just crazy talk.”

“I know, you’re preaching to the choir there Bill! If it wasn’t for people like you, we’d have kids driving all over the place!”

“You’re damn right, Tom.”

1 comment:

OzzyC said...

... later that week, some of the kids are overheard saying...

"If you just put the key in the ignition, start the car, put it in gear and take the car in and out of the garage a few times, it's not really driving, because you're not on the road. You're staying in the driveway."