Monday, May 22, 2006

Bananas! Proof of the Existence of God!

I saw a video on the internet today, the description stated that the video is of a guy ‘proving’ God exists, and that he proves God exists using only a Banana.

I was intrigued.

I’ll link to the video later (I remember the site, but not the page, and I don’t want to trawl through pages of videos to find it). However, he referred to the banana as the ‘Atheist’s Nightmare’ (Which had me shitting myself, I can tell you).

Anyway, here’s this guys arguments in a nutshell:

The banana has three lines running down the top half, two down the back, making it perfectly ergonomic for the human hand.

The part at the top (where the banana attaches to the bunch) works exactly like a pull-tab for easy opening.

It ‘unzips eloquently’.

The banana actually leans towards you slightly, making for easier eating.

The end comes to a thin point for ‘easier insertion’ (No shit, he actually said that)

It’s the perfect shape to eat, and tastes good!

In short, the Banana is perfectly ‘designed’ for us to eat, and there’s no way something could be so perfect for us ‘by accident’.

Well, here’s my counter argument:

You, sir, are a lunatic, a complete basket case, and the fact you are allowed to walk around without constant supervision, and a keeper packing an elephant tranquilizer gun, honestly scares me.


You want more?


Here’s my counter argument to the Banana thing.

If the banana is the perfect food that was designed purely for human beings, why do they grow high up in trees, where they are very difficult to get at? How come they only grow in hot countries? Why are Brits not naturally able, without the use of boats and world spanning equipment, to taste this God-fruit? Also, if they are made specifically for us, why are they a staple of the simian species, who blow the whole ergonomic thing out of the water, because they eat the whole thing, skin and all?

This is one food, and not a staple of the human species.

I suppose my question is this:

If the Banana is proof of intelligent design, and is ultimate proof of the existence of God, why did he focus on the Banana?

Why did he put meat inside huge horned animals that are a real bugger to kill, butcher and cook? Why can’t I just reach over and grab a hunk of pre-cooked beef off a passing cow? Why do I have to worry that the animal put here for me to eat might take exception to me wanting to munch on it, and express its displeasure with its claws/fangs/sharp pointed beak?

Forgetting meat, what about all the other stuff? If everything on this Earth is intelligently designed for our benefit, you try opening and eating a coconut or a pineapple with your bare hands!

Congrats, you’ve found one fruit, out of the millions of edible plants available on the earth that seems to be ergonomically designed. You’ve not proved God exists, you’ve proven that he got fixated on bananas, and ignored every other foodstuff on the planet.

I mean, you can’t even live of a pure-banana diet. You’d get the shits like crazy!

No, Bananas are the way they are as a result of evolution. They’re eaten by tree dwelling species, to whom climbing a tree is no hardship. They evolved that way because it helped create a natural symbiotic circle with the species in its environment.

Here it is in simple terms:

Baboons need food.
Banana trees need to spread their seeds.
Bananas grow in trees where baboons can get them and eat them.
Baboons swing around, take a big dump, and the banana seeds are dumped (pardon the pun) in the soil, in their own pre-made blob of ‘fertilizer’.

Look, the reason things seem to be ‘perfect’ and ‘intelligently designed’, is because if they weren’t perfect, they’d die out. If bananas tasted like shit, where incredibly hard to get at and eat, Banana trees, over a few hundred thousand years, would die out, and be replaced by fruit trees that produce fruit that is a lot more palatable and easier to get at and eat.

The reason most things seem to be ‘intelligently designed’ is because out of all the random stuff that happened over the past few million years, what we have today was the tiny minority of things that worked. Something that doesn’t work doesn’t survive. The unsuccessful stuff dies, the successful stuff thrives.

I mean, look at camels! They’re ludicrous. They look stupid. Horses are faster, easier to ride and tend not to spit at you. However, if you put a horse in the middle of the desert, it would die within a few days. Camels exist because of all the desert species that started out, they where the ones that where most successful.

Intelligent Design argues from ignorance. They ignore the evidence, and use that lack of evidence as proof that 'God did it'. However, lack of evidence only proves you don't know enough.

It's like two people seeing a bright light fly over their head. One, a believer in UFO's turns to the other and say: "There, can you explain that?" The other says: "No, I can't."

"There!" Replies the other. "You can't explain it! It must be aliens."

In other words, because you choose to be ignorant of the evidence, does not make your point of view correct. That you refuse to acknowledge the evidence for evolution does not make intelligent design right.

As for the final nail in the coffin of your argument, all the stuff you said about the banana can also be ‘interpreted’ another way.

Here’s my ‘theory’:

It has the same proportions of a human male penis.

They come in all sized to fit any personal preference.

It curves upward slightly, for perfect G-Spot stimulation

It has a smooth, flesh like, all natural skin.

It’s tapered for ‘easier insertion’ (You said that yourself).

They are abundant.

They’re yellow, and therefore easy to find in the dark.

You can smear the fruit of one banana onto the skin of another as a lubricant.

Yep, that’s right, Bananas are natures dildo. God made them for women to pleasure themselves…with the added bonus that the skin is non-porous, meaning when you get done, you can peel it and have a nutritious snack, and who doesn’t feel a little puckish after all that G-Spot stimulation?

Bananas as proof God exists?

What the fuck ever.


mistyforeverlost said...

Alright, different beliefs here, but I was following you almost to the very end. Then I had to make a mad dash to the bathroom after a quick visual of a woman eating a peeled back dildo and reversing it to a man eating HIS peeled back dildo.


Kato said...

That particular creationist argument about bananas is equivalent to saying that the Earth must have been intelligently designed because it has oxygen and we breathe oxygen and that's just too convenient to be by chance. Of course, that statement ignores the obvious: we breathe oxygen because it is plentiful here, and if it wasn't, higher life wouldn't have evolved here (maybe) to even be able to ponder the question.

Plus, from what I've heard, animals in the wild don't open bananas from the stem, they open from the other side. If you try it out it's actually much easier than "nature's fold-up tab". So, yea, he's a whack-job. But then you knew that.

Kato said...

Here's one copy of the video (did a quick Google):
Banana Video.

You failed to mention that the guy is talking to Jesus freak KIRK CAMERON. I mean, you could have just said that in your post ("I saw a video with a guy talking about how bananas are proof of God... oh yea, and Kirk Cameron was in it") and you could have stopped there. No further comment necessary. :)

AnnoyedAthiest said...

You also forgot to mention what is probably the biggest flaw in this incredibly, unspeakably ludicrous argument: the fact that the banana he is describing is not a natural banana at all, but one that is produced and bred by and for humans. Want to see what a natural, wild banana looks like?

Yeah not so fuckin tasty and handy now is it?
This kind of childish obsession in finding "miracles" that god provides us with in every-day life just pisses me off. I don't understand how people of any sort of remote intelligence can actually believe such things. It truly baffles me. There is a statistic somewhere that says
"as IQ rises in a community, religious affiliation and beliefs diminish".
If you want to be a christian for the morals of the religion (not killing, raping, stealing, etc) then fine. But stop trying to counter hundreds of years of science with ludicrous stories like this about a fuckin banana being proof of the existence of god.
It really makes me wanna take a jack-hammer to a church.

John Lerrato said...

There are probably a million ways to prove God exists at thsi rate. Check out mine at if you think I am kidding. From Bananas, to dildos to anything out there, we can prove that God exists