Sunday, February 27, 2011

Craigslist is for assholes.

So with our move rapidly approaching we’re scrambling to sell everything we’re not bringing with us.

My step-daughter was supposed to be buying our TV from us…but a few days ago, when she found out her car needed a new transmission, she let us know she couldn’t afford it any more.

So, with less than two weeks to go before we move, I bit the bullet and put in on Cragislist.

When will I ever learn? Craigslist isn’t populated by people who want to buy things…it’s populated by mental patients and people who can’t tie their own shoelaces without losing a finger.

Let me explain some things:

Our TV is in absolutely perfect condition. There’s not so much as a scratch on the casing. It’s even still under warranty.

To buy the same model TV at retail would cost you $350 plus tax. However, because time is so short and we really need to sell it, I put it up on Craigslist at the ‘family price’ I was going to sell it to my stepdaughter for, $250… and I’m even including the $50 HDMI cable we had to buy separately.

For those keeping score, that’s a value of $400 for $250. That’s a great deal, right?

Well, you’d think so, wouldn’t you?

The day after placing the ad, I get a phonecall.

He asks if the TV is still for sale. I say yes. He asks me what brand and size it is. I tell him that all the details are right there in the ad, but explain everything again anyway. He asks how much I want for it. I explain that that’s also in the ad, but tell him again that I want $250. He hums and haws and asks if I can go any lower. I explain that the TV is in perfect condition, still under warranty, retails for $350 and that I’m also including the $50 cable in the asking price.

He hums and haws some more.

Knowing that if I can’t get it sold I’ll end up having to take it to the pawn shop and get offered fifty bucks for it, I reluctantly agree to go down to $230. I make it clear that $230 is my absolute rock-bottom price, that I can’t go any lower, and that if he spends an hour on Craiglist (like I did), he won’t find a better deal…but if he doesn’t believe me, he’s welcome to try and call me back.

So after another five minutes of him humming and hawing and asking me the same goddamn questions over and over, he finally arranges to come over and look it the next day.

Now, as you know, we’re in the middle of a big fucking move. We have places to go, people to see and shit to arrange…however, to work around this ass-hat’s schedule, we end up cancelling our plans and staying in to wait for him.

The next day, the phone rings about an hour after he’s due to turn up. I’m expecting to hear that he can’t find the house, but instead he tells me something about not being able to get a ride, so can he come tomorrow instead? I tell him okay, but that we have plans, so he’ll have to turn up no later than 3pm.

He turns up a four thirty. I already feel like telling him to fuck right off, but I need to get the TV sold, so I let him into the house, show him the TV and tune it to an HD channel.

Now, I don’t want to blow my own horn, but regular readers will know I’m a huge gadget geek. I always do ridiculous amounts of research before buying any sort of technology…and I picked out this TV simply because it had, by far, the best picture in the price range. I also spent more hours than I care to mention fine-tuning the TV’s settings to get the best possible picture. That includes using a special DVD with various test patterns to make sure everything is absolutely spot on. Do you know the exact hex-code of the color your TV displays when it tries to produce pure white? Because I do.

Long story short, the TV’s in perfect condition and the picture is nothing short of fucking gorgeous.

He stares at the TV and hums and haws some more. He asks again how much I want for it. I tell him again that I said I wanted $250, but as I told him on the phone, I’d be willing to go down to $230. I point out that he can see the TV’s in perfect condition, how much it costs at retail, blah, blah, blah.

He stands there, staring at the TV, working his face in a way that made him look like he’d just shit his pants or was trying to hold in a fart. Finally, to break the silence after five solid minutes of this, I say:

“Errr, so, do you want to buy it or not?”

He hums and haws for another five minutes, still looking like he’s shit his pants, and says “Well…Err, I’ve actually got another one to look at today, so I’ll go look at that and tell you what I’ve decided tomorrow.”

What…the…fuck?

Look, dude. It’s fucking TV. Not only does the ad explain exactly what it is, I explained it to you three fucking times. I even included a link in the ad to the same model on the Best Buy website. I told you how much I wanted for it. Then, after making me stay home for two days straight when I have shit to do, and after turning up an hour late when you finally did turn up…you see it’s exactly as described in the ad…and you’re not going to fucking buy it?

You knew exactly what it was. You knew exactly what I was asking for it. What did you expect?

Did you get mixed up about what a TV actually was and you were really trying to buy a microwave? Did you get inches mixed up with feet and thought it would be the size of my fucking wall? Did you think it would come on a platinum platter held aloft by virgins?

It’s a fucking TV…so why the fuck did you dick me around for two days and come to my house if you weren’t going to buy it? I could understand if it wasn’t what I described, or the picture was fuzzy or the case was cracked…but it wasn’t.

Fucking time wasters.

4 comments:

mrshiffles said...

I'm feeling some of your pain...I put out a listing for an older ipod touch that is in perfect shape and is still listed for 20 less than amazon listings. ..I explicitly put out my price for cash only and serious inquiries only, but I get dipshits wanting to trade me some stupid shit for it or wanting to give me too little money...even after some haggling, they won't even commit to buy? Wtf is craigslist for actually? Is this really a "cash for gold" society where the value of EVERYTHING is practically nothing? Or is most of society FUCKED?

Unknown said...

Most of society IS FUCKED. Craigslist is basically a haven for trolls and assholes. I sell refurbished computers on Craigslist and can't even count the number of emails I have received offering less than half of what the computer is worth. Then the other day, some fucktard took the text of my add, re-posted it, and changed the ad from "refurbished laptops" to "stolen laptops" just to discredit me and piss me off. I reported the bastard and his little prank ad went down in a few minutes. These are just a few of the things I have dealt with from assholes on craigslist.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ron bergeron said...

Dude I offered 10 things for free; exchanged 22 different emails with 3 or more(a lot more) messages from people who wanted to come over and pick up the item(for free!) and then nobody shows up or even emails me "I don't want it, or I found something else". Californians are assholes man; in portland there would be no bullshit.