Wednesday, July 23, 2008

An open letter.

Dear Teenagers,

It’s time we had a talk.

Here’s the deal. No matter how bad you think your life is right now, no matter how much you think your parents ‘don’t understand you’, or how badly you felt when that girl you’ve totally been in love with for weeks turned you down on a date…

No one gives a shit.

You see, you think acting all sad and depressed makes you interesting and ‘mysterious’. In reality everyone just thinks you’re a miserable, annoying turd who puts a downer on everything you get involved in. I mean, maybe that guy or girl wouldn’t have turned you down if you actually smiled once in a while and were fun to be around.

Try this. Next time someone says “How are you?”, smile and say “I’m great thanks, you?” Try that instead of sighing, hunching your shoulders and saying “The whole world is just a black pit of despair, no one gets me, my math teacher hates me and I’m thinking of ending it all.”

You see, that way someone might actually want to talk to you...instead of muttering ‘freak’ and walking away…giving you something else to whine about in your livejournal.

The thing is, you turn up at a party, a place where everyone is trying to have a good time…and you spend the entire night cornering people and yammering on about how unbearable your life is…and then you wonder why people don’t like you.

Let me give you a little peek at reality. You don’t actually have any problems. There’s nothing ‘tragically misunderstood’ about you. Don’t like school? Tough. Not all that popular? Boo-hoo. Daddy won’t buy you a car for your birthday? Cry me a river, build me a bridge and get the fuck over it.

Believe it or not, I’m actually trying to help you here. You see, while right now you think you’re the most tragically misunderstood ‘lost soul’ in the world…one day, you’re going to be an adult and have real problems and worries.

On that day, when you have a mortgage, the bills are piling up and you have to go to a crappy job every day just to keep food in the fridge…you’ll look back at the way you are now and think “Christ, why was I such a tool?”

Anyway, this is just my way of telling you all the following:

If I land on just one more webpage where you’ve written really bad poetry about how the girl you went for coffee with ‘trod on your heart and made the your soul turn black’ when she turned you down for a second date (Probably because you spent the whole time talking about what a black pit of despair your life is)…I will personally hunt you down and stab you in the face.

Thank you, you annoying butthole.

1 comment:

Kelly said...