Sunday, February 10, 2008

An Open Letter:

Dear Smacktards,

Recently, I've found myself getting more and more annoyed every time I surf the internet or try to play an online game. Please read the following and think about what you read:

1) The purpose of an online game isn't to insult other people in chat. It's to play the game.

2) Also, if you die in an online game, it isn't down to a 'hack', 'cheater' or any other reason other than the other person is better at the game than you and/or lucky.

3) The comments section on 'funny video' sites is not the place to air your political or religious views.

4) Having access to the internet does not make you an instant authority on everything.

5) When commenting, simply to flame the creator of whatever it is you're commenting on for being 'lame' 'geeky' 'nerdy', or to state the creator 'has no life'...ask yourself this question: What's sadder? Someone creating something or you spending time and energy simply to insult them about it?

6) When communicating online, try to actually have something to say. "First!" is not a reason to comment.

7) When you think you're being funny and 'outrageous', you think people are laughing with you and thinking about how awesome you are. Instead, people are just rolling their eyes and thinking about what a giant douchebag you are.

8) While on the internet, you will see lots of things you don't agree with, are offended by or simply don't like. The correct course of action in this case is to go look at something else. Freedom of speech is a fact of life, but nowhere in the bill of rights does it say you have the right not to be offended.

9) If you're playing an online game and 'jokingly' as a female player to send you naked are not being funny. You are being an asshole. Put simply, you're the reason why more women don't play videogames.

10) Arguing over the internet is a completely, totally and utterly pointless activity. Don't do it.

11) If you don't have the balls to say something to someone's face, don't say it over the internet.

12) Please bear in mind that if you start your own website or blog, the point is to create something, not just copy and paste stuff available on other websites. Thanks to people like you, over half of the internet is just copies of the other half.

13) I have never played a multiplayer game with voice chat enabled and not heard someone talk about how high they are, or what a bitch their girlfriend is. If you must do this, at least tell the truth...namely "I'm desperate to fit in and have everyone think I'm cool, so I'll talk about drugs despite the fact I don't even know what weed looks like. I'll also try to make everyone think I have a girlfriend, when in fact, I've never actually seen a real, human, female nipple."

Long story short, the internet used to be fun, intelligent and it was possible to talk to someone who could talk in complete sentences, and didn't think calling a random stranger a 'gay nigger fag' was the height of wit.

So here's the deal. Get the fuck off my internet. I was here first.

Thank you.

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