'The Invasion'...it's like getting anally raped.

Whenever Sunny has a day off, it’s become a sort of tradition for us to order a movie from OnDemand.

Today, we watched ‘The Invasion’.

If you haven’t seen it yet, my advice to you is this…don’t. It’s complete and total crap.

This movie doesn’t have a plot, it has a ‘concept’. Some guy probably said “Hey, how about a movie like ‘Pod People’, where aliens invade and possess people?”…then they went out and shot it.

I can honestly not think of a good thing to say about this movie.

First of all, that pacing is totally off. The first five minutes of narrative is stretched out over the first 45 minutes. The middle hour’s worth of narrative is squeezed into five minutes… and the ending is just terrible.

Seriously, there’s no twist, no story, no real conflict. To save you the trouble, here’s what you get for your money:

You spend the first half of the movie watching Nicole Kidman walking around, looking at people funny. This is interspersed with glaringly obvious exposition where people come to conclusions that completely defy plausibility. After 45 minutes of Nicole Kidman looking confused, in less than five minutes she and some other characters work out, with absolute certainty, that an ‘alien spore’ is infecting people. We also find out that you get infected and change in your sleep

Then, Nicole Kidman finds her son, who turns out to be immune. (This was another piece of ridiculous writing. Earlier she heard someone in the street say she’d ‘already slept’, and from 5 seconds with some medical records, she decides the woman is immune because of a childhood disease…that’s the theme of this movie, jump to crazy, implausible conclusions that always turn out to be right).

Then, there’s a 2 minute car chase, a helicopter picks up Kidman and her son, and everything is back to normal and the movie ends.

I just don’t get how whoever wrote this movie didn’t get laughed out of every office he pitched it in. The important stuff is totally skated over, and the meaningless fluff is given center stage.

Plus, isn’t the whole point of a movie like this meant to be the paranoia and doubt of not knowing who’s ‘one of them’? There’s absolutely none of that in this movie. The ex-husband just announces he’s an alien, and by the time that happens, everyone is infected.

Long story short, watching this movie is like watching a zombie movie… but a zombie movie where we spend the first hour and a half watching the main character going shopping, then one zombie jumps out, and the main character runs to the roof to find a helicopter to take him to safety.

I give this movie a -87 out of ten.