Puppy Chillin'

Since getting the new puppy, walking anywhere in this house has become a lot more difficult. It’s like a puppy minefield. His hobbies include peeing, pooping, chewing through electrical cords and getting under your feet.

However, I’m a fairly easy going person, and that sort of stuff is just what puppies do. Before they’re trained they crap in the house, chew things, destroy treasured personal items, bark when you’re trying to sleep…

Umm…Why did we keep the puppy again?

Ahem, anyhoo…

He was really annoying Sunny today. Doing the ‘make you trip up’ trick, he chewed through the power cord for a lamp (I almost wish it had been plugged in, he wouldn’t have done it again, and he could have won first place at a Don King lookalike competition), and doing general annoying puppy stuff.

Now, Sunny isn’t the most patient person in the world, and it doesn’t take much to get her worked up. So, when I heard the “GODDAMMIT! WILL YOU GEDOUTAHERE!” from the kitchen, I wasn’t really surprised.

I tried to explain that getting mad at a puppy for getting under your feet isn’t really fair. That’s what puppies do. It’s just being a puppy. Getting mad at a puppy for being mischievous and annoying is like getting mad at a bird for flying. It’s what they do. He’s a puppy!

However, Buddy is getting to that age where you can start to see malice of forethought. He knows what he’s doing, and does it anyway. He knows the place now, and he’s trying to get away with as much as possible.

Some things are: “Oh, he doesn’t know any better, he can’t help it.” But, some things are: “The little bastard did it on purpose!”

A perfect example happened three minutes ago.

Over the past few days the weather had been warm and sunny, meaning I’ve been spending most of the day outside. Of course, Buddy comes with me, and he’s decided he likes it outside.  It’s fun, he can run around, he can chase the cats.

Great.

He’s learned he’s not allowed to crap or pee in the house. He’s also learned that he has to get my attention to let him out.

Here’s the deal. Most dogs will run to the door and scratch at it when they want to go out. In fact, my last dog worked out that jumping at the door and giving it a good hard shove made the keys in the lock jingle…however, that was also the dog that worked out how to work the door handles to give himself free run of the house, and when we changed them for doorknobs, worked those out as well.

However, I’m not talking about Jake, my old Border Collie, I’m talking about Buddy.

Buddy is not like other dogs. When he wants out, he doesn’t scratch at the door, he’ll jump up and scratch at me.

He’s discovered the way to get outside. He also knows I’ll always let him out, because I don’t want to clean pee out of the carpet.

He also pushes his luck.

A few minutes ago, I was sitting here at the computer, when he jumped up at my side and started whining. I got up, let him out, he peed and came back inside. I called him a good boy, and gave him a biscuit.

5 minutes later he did exactly the same thing again. This isn’t unusual. To be nice, I’ll say he’s easily distracted. He may have forgotten he needed to go number two as well.

I got up and opened the door. He went outside, looked at me, stretched out on the floor, and made himself comfortable. He gave me a look that said: “You can go back inside, I’m just enjoying the cool night air.”

I called him a bad dog, made him come back inside, and didn’t give him a biscuit.

5 minutes later, same deal.

Now this is where the pre-meditation comes in.

Buddy also knows he gets put outside if he pees on the carpet...albeit after a ‘whoopin’

So he tried whining at me, which didn’t work, and as I watched, he walked to the center of the carpet, looked at me, squatted down, and I saw the strain cross his face. I was already standing up, went to grab him….then I noticed he wasn’t doing a damn thing.

He continued staring at me, after a full 20 seconds, he managed a single drop. I mean, he had to force that single drop of pee out. He stood, looked at the carpet, looked at me.

I just laughed at him. He just looked bewildered that I hadn’t shook him by the scruff of the neck and put him outside.

I either have a retard dog, or a genius.